Moonshadows (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moonshadows) wrote2013-01-18 08:46 pm
moonshadows) wrote2013-01-18 08:46 pm
Epilogue: Re-roll
With how long Tia Ana's been hiding, it's kind of amazing that she spent a full two months in the same place, but it's still a quietly emotional event when she packs her little posse and leaves for another part of the world. I smile and wave to Peterson as they file past, which makes him flinch. Or maybe that's Reaper-dog grinning toothily at my side. The other uniforms, on the other hand, stop and pet him one last time before they climb into their van.
"This is not goodbye, Gabriel," Ana says firmly as he switches to the hoodie configuration to hug her. "You will see me again."
"I better," he growls, but his voice shakes.
"Your little shadow has ensured that we can stay securely in contact. Once I am settled, I will contact her and we can arrange a time for video conference."
"Fine," he says sullenly, but he hugs her for a long minute before finally letting go.
The safehouse is quieter without Ana and her people. A lot of my time is taken up with organizing the rebuild of the Overwatch HQ site, now that I've officially won the bid to do it. There's a lot of omnics with construction experience who are very eager to actually get paid for it, and sorting out an actual construction company isn't easy. I spend hours and hours surrounded by screens, seated on one end of the couch or curled up in a chair, depending on who's around looking for cuddlepile. My adopted siblings tend to congregate in the living room, playing Diablo 3 with Papi and/or Uncle Jack, who have taken to going on morning runs together. Considering how popular the couch is, and the fact that we can't all fit on it, I have Solen switch the couch from the wing upstairs with a couple of the chairs. Two couches mean no one ever has to sit alone, and that means McCree and Jack are getting used to sharing their personal space. When I need a break from being a CEO, I join in whatever D3 adventures are happening. Papi challenges me to a hardcore race to 70, and while Widow looks delighted and dabbles in hardcore a little bit, McCree announces that it's not his idea of fun.
(I win. Zombie dogs for life.)
===
After an evening of firing his Colt and then a video chat with Ana that went late, McCree's passed out on the couch when Papi and I emerge for breakfast. Widow's snuggled up on his right, and she puts a finger to her lips as she sees us. The plan is immediately clear. I snuggle up to the metal arm and Papi wisps carefully over, puddling on our laps before re-forming into the doberman. We all close our eyes and enjoy the Familia Reyes cuddlepile, waiting in comfortable silence for our trash cowboy to wake up.
Jesse's breathing changes. A minute later, he says in a terrified whisper, "Gabe, they're asleep, what do I do?"
"Don't wake them," Papi growls quietly.
"But I really gotta pee!"
"Hold it," is the threatening response.
"Papi!" I snap in a fierce whisper
Reaper and Widow start giggling. Jesse realizes he's been had. We let him up, he retreats to shower, and theres buckwheat apology waiting when he comes back out. Jack tries to look sympathetic as Jesse complains about the ambush cuddlepile, but doesn't quite manage it.
Three days later, Uncle Jack is passed out on the couch when we get up. He wakes to find himself in a similar position, Widow and I each claiming an arm while Reaper-dog sprawls across all our laps. Instead of trying to extricate himself, though, he slowly moves his right hand until he can gently pet Reaper. After a few minutes, it's obvious that he actually has no intent to move.
"You're making this awkward," Reaper growls without opening his eyes.
"They got the old quarters cleaned up," Jack says quietly. "We've reached out to some of the old agents and gotten positive responses."
Reaper stiffens. "What are you saying?"
"I'm going to be moving into the HQ building in preparation for the returning agents actually returning."
There's a few beats, and then Reaper dissolves into smoke and flows out of the room, going elsewhere in the safehouse or possibly outside. Jack looks like he can't decide if he's startled and affronted, or startled and hurt.
"I don't think he wants you to go, Uncle Jack," I deadpan.
"Yeah, I got that impression," Jack replies. "Alright, my lovely nieces, I need you to let me up so I can go find and apologize to your father."
"Bring the rope. He'll find you."
Widow and I stand up, and I fetch the cloth rope while Jack stretches. He takes it with a nod of thanks and leaves the wing. Moments later, Jesse's door opens and he gives us an inquiring look.
"Jack's gonna move into the HQ building," I tell him. "If you gonna sulk at him, like Papi is, hold off a couple of hours?"
"Dad's sulking?" McCree asks. "Huh. Didn't think he'd care that much. Guess he's getting soft in his old age," he finishes with a grin. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Long as Jack's still gonna be in town where we can pry him out of his office and drag him to lunch or dinner with us."
Widow smiles. "I like that idea."
===
Damn it all to hell!"
Widow and I both look up; Jesse sounded genuinely upset. And he's been chipping at getting a hardcore demon hunter through campaign mode recently so he could join in when we play those characters. That means he probably died.
Again.
"Another one?" I ask, and he scowls.
"Yeah. Them stupid jumpy demons."
That makes me wince. He almost got through this time.
"Guess I should just stick to regular," he says with a familiar note of self-derision. He doesn't say because I'm not good enough, but it's in his tone.
Alright. This has gone far enough.
"One more, cowboy." My tone is hard and challenging.
"Why?" He practically spits the word out. "What's the point?"
"Because this time, you're going to make it."
"Oh, yeah?"
Good; he's in full bratty brother mode. "Yeah."
"Says who?"
"Says me." Me, the snotty sister.
"And if you're wrong?" There's genuine hurt under that bluster.
"Then I'll delete my witch doctor."
That makes him stop and stare at me for a long minute. "Hardcore or regular?" He asks it like this is the real test of my commitment.
"Regular," I answer without hesitating. He knows I would never willingly part with the assortment of set pieces and legendaries I have on that character. "Without stripping her first."
It's dawning on him that I'm serious. That I actually want him to succeed as much as he does. "Yer on," he says finally, and re-rolls his poor demon hunter for the seventh or eighth time.
I fetch my gaming pad and fire up Diablo 3.
He's just gotten into the Slaughtered Calf Inn to talk to Leah when I join the game on my hardcore witch doctor, nowhere near as godly as my regular one but still formidable with five zombie dogs and a handful of lucky legendaries.
"What're you doing, Sombra?" he asks, wary, as I unleash the dogs on the Wretched Mother and start heading up the Old Tristram Road.
"Protecting my investment," I tell him in a well, duh voice. "You gonna make it this time because I gonna kill everything that gets near you."
"Then how is that me making it?" he protests. "You doin' all the work for me? That's cheating!"
"You mean, that's you taking advantage of all your available resources," I correct smugly. "I never said you had to do it solo."
Bewildered, he follows me up to the ruins of Old Tristram. "Yer serious."
My voice is firm as I clear the ruins. "I not gonna lose my tiny gargantuans. You gonna make it through campaign, and then I gonna make sure you get to seventy."
"But-"
That's as far as he gets before Widow joins the game and hands in the quest for us. She's on a half-leveled monk; good, we'll have heals just in case.
"Yer serious," he says again, bewildered by this unexpected show of solidarity and support.
"You don't gotta sound so surprised," I tease. "What, you don't think I want to see you succeed?"
"With all the shit you give me?" he counters, but he follows me into the Cathedral. Widow's not far behind.
"You my brother, Jesse. Of course I gonna give you shit. Don't mean I don't care. Have you not seen the shit I give Reaper?"
There's a few beats before he mumbles, "Didn't know I was included in..." and the rest trails off.
"Belt," Widow says quietly, dropping a rare belt on the ground. So that's why she's on the monk instead of her crusader - so she can pass otherwise-useless drops on because they'll have dex instead of strength.
"You..."
"Shut up and let us help you, mijo."
"Fine," he grumbles, but he picks up the belt and the way he's sitting looks more pleased than offended.
=
We're looking for Zoltan Kuule's blood when Reaper comes back from a video chat with Ana. He wisps into the room, forms behind Jesse, and stares for a moment.
"What are you doing?" he demands, causing the cowboy to jump and shout in surprise.
"Stealing McCree's kills," I answer casually.
Widow looks up and smiles. "Pretending to be Tante Ana."
Jesse settles himself again and mock-grumbles, "Don't look at me, I'm just along for the ride."
Reaper lets out an amused snort and flows off. Three minutes later he comes in on his demon hunter, but doesn't teleport to us. I keep killing, we find the blood, and as we're running around trying to find the other small dungeon, we get quest complete and Reaper teleports to us. Then he does the Death Blossom thing, cloud of black smoke firing shots in all directions clearing the way to the entrance to the archives, and from his room I can hear, "Die, die, die!"
"PAPI!" I yell without slowing down. "IF YOU GONNA HELP US OUT, GET OUT HERE AND BE SOCIAL!"
Jesse looks hopeful and terrified.
"AND HUG YOUR TRASH COWBOY," I continue, lowering my voice as Reaper enters the room again. "He think you don't love him."
"You don't gotta hug me," the trash cowboy mutters. "I'm good."
Naturally, that gets him an awkward over-the-back-of-the-chair hug before Reaper joins his faux-daughters on the couch and we adjust so that we're both leaning against him.
"I got left," I tell him as we run down the archives to the end. "You go right and we'll meet you in the Shadow Realm."
"Acknowledged," he replies, and we separate to get both Shadow Locks open in record time.
=
It always takes Malthael forever to get over himself and drop loot, but with McCree staring in stunned awe, it seems to take even longer. Finally the screen goes white and then there's the usual explosion of gold, gems, a rare or two, and - clang - a legendary. Boots. I pick them up and drop them for my trash cowboy brother.
"I did it," he says in shock. "I made it through campaign mode without dying."
"You're welcome," Widow murmurs.
"I...I couldn't have done it without you." He's trying to make it deadpan, acknowledging the truth of the situation, but he just sounds humbled and grateful.
"We not done yet," I tease. "Still gotta get you to seventy. Pick up your boots and talk to Tyrael."
He does, and while the game is ending Reaper growls, "What's the plan?"
"Your choice, cowboy," I tell McCree. "Rifts or bounties?"
He shakes himself out of his awe. "Uh...well, half'a my gear's not the best..."
"Bounties," Reaper says decisively as he leaves the game. "Change the difficulty level. Put it up to torment."
McCree blanches at that.
"You and Widow staying in town," I clarify as she and I leave the game as well. "She needs to level, too. Me and Papi gonna run the bounties, you two just stay safe and collect the rewards."
He gives Reaper a funny look, but seconds later we're in the Act Two camp on T1. I mouse over the bounties to see which one the boss fight is and pick another. Next to me, Reaper's gone to a different one and is wisping happily as he kills things. When we've each done two bounties, we meet up to put Magda in her place. Widow and Jesse skip the fight, but teleport to us so they can loot the chest. We clear acts three and five the same way, but in act four I spot a bandit shrine.
"Papi, help me clear this map."
"Why?"
"Bandit shrine."
On his other side, Widow perks up and McCree sits straighter in his chair. The entire level - one of the winding hell maps - is cleared in short order, no enemies that might pose a threat to the two underleveled members of the party.
"Alright, come to me."
Widow's appeared at Reaper's side almost before the words are out of my mouth, but Jesse looks uncertain.
"This ain't a trick, is it?" he asks from town.
"Not on hardcore. You gonna like this, Jesse. Come on."
Once he's joined us by the shrine, I click it and a dozen assorted goblins spawn, giggle, and run away. Or at least, try to run away, because Papi's a black cloud of die-die-die and I'm hitting them all with locusts and haunting spirits while my dogs chew on them, and Widow's over to the side kicking a gem hoarder while Jesse, overwhelmed, hits all his buttons and fires off caltrops and Rain of Vengeance and clicks madly trying to pick up even a fraction of the loot explosions as they die, one by one.
None of them escape.
"I, uh, need to go back to town," the cowboy says.
As soon as he teleports, Widow drops a bunch of rares and Reaper follows suit. It takes everyone about three trips each to pick everything up, and an extra one for my trash cowboy brother because of the extra rares. Mine are useless to him, so I'm done first and I move on to the other bounties. The chest after I kill Azmodan is pretty anti-climactic, and Reaper and I leave the other two there sorting through things while we go clear the bounties in act one.
=
"Alright," Jesse says, "that's everything either rare or legendary."
"Good," Papi said, leaving the game and the party. "Get in here, we're going to get you to seventy."
Widow and I switch games, but McCree blanches. "That's torment two!"
"Get in here, boy," Reaper growls.
Wincing, Jesse joins the game.
"Sombra. You go on ahead," Papi commands, opening a regular rift. I jump in and start killing, clearing a safe area. "Widow, you stay with McCree. Keep yourselves alive. Don't move from the entrance." Reaper enters the rift and checks to make sure nothing survived me. "Clear. Get in here and start soaking up this XP."
I clear the map, spreading locusts and haunting spirits like the combined embodiments of Death and Pestilence, while Papi stands guard over my siblings. Once everything is dead, I follow Jesse's demon hunter around as he explores the map for his drops. We all take a quick trip to town to trash the contents of our inventories, and then it's back into the rift and down to the next level because we're only halfway to the rift guardian. I clear the map (and kill the boss) while Reaper again hangs back to make sure nothing attacks the other two. Once drops have been gathered, we port back to town and he closes the rift.
It takes McCree a few minutes to sort through all the drops, both his own and things Papi and Widow have dropped for him, and then we hit another rift. It's rinse and repeat until suddenly Jesse screams.
"Level seventy!"
"Grats," Widow murmurs.
Reaper just says, "Good. hija, finish clearing this map. We'll summon the rift guardian and then-"
"No," Jesse says, porting back to down. "Thankee kindly for everything you've done for me today, shadow-sis, but my nerves can't take any more of this. You got me to seventy, like you promised, and now I'm done."
"Done-done, or just done with hardcore?" I ask as he leaves the game and signs off.
"Done with hardcore at least. Give me half an hour with that bottle of bourbon you bought me a while back, and maybe I'll screw around on regular for a bit."
"Fair enough," I tell him, while Reaper growls, "Fine."
Widow tugs on the hoodie's sleeve. "Papi, I want paragon levels."
"You heard your sister, Sombra. Keep clearing. I'll guard her."
"No problem," I tell them, and start moving again.
McCree goes to his room and comes back with the half-empty bottle of bourbon he took home the first time I helped him fire his Colt. He sprawls with it on the other couch, idly watching us play and sipping appreciatively. At the half-hour mark, he puts the bottle aside and picks up his pad again. When he logs back in, he switches to his half-leveled barbarian and starts running bounties while slowly working on the rest of the bourbon.
Then, in the Ruins of Sescheron, disaster strikes. A champion pack of illusionist Rat Kings corners him, and he can't cut down the illusions fast enough to take down the pack. He makes a break for it, but they keep popping up around him, blocking him with their bodies, and he's getting increasingly more frantic as his health slowly drops.
"No, no, no, NO! NO! NO! FUCK!" McCree throws the pad down onto the couch next to him. Then he starts laughing shakily. "Revive," he breathes. "I'm not on hardcore. I'm not dead. I can revive." He picks up the pad and touches 'revive in town'. "I'm alive. I'm alive." Then he looks up at Reaper. "Is this what it's like to be you?"
Widow and I burst into laughter. Luckily, we're in town, because the absurdity of the entire situation has us in hysterics.
"No," Reaper says dryly. "It's like that, but I make it look good."
"This is not goodbye, Gabriel," Ana says firmly as he switches to the hoodie configuration to hug her. "You will see me again."
"I better," he growls, but his voice shakes.
"Your little shadow has ensured that we can stay securely in contact. Once I am settled, I will contact her and we can arrange a time for video conference."
"Fine," he says sullenly, but he hugs her for a long minute before finally letting go.
The safehouse is quieter without Ana and her people. A lot of my time is taken up with organizing the rebuild of the Overwatch HQ site, now that I've officially won the bid to do it. There's a lot of omnics with construction experience who are very eager to actually get paid for it, and sorting out an actual construction company isn't easy. I spend hours and hours surrounded by screens, seated on one end of the couch or curled up in a chair, depending on who's around looking for cuddlepile. My adopted siblings tend to congregate in the living room, playing Diablo 3 with Papi and/or Uncle Jack, who have taken to going on morning runs together. Considering how popular the couch is, and the fact that we can't all fit on it, I have Solen switch the couch from the wing upstairs with a couple of the chairs. Two couches mean no one ever has to sit alone, and that means McCree and Jack are getting used to sharing their personal space. When I need a break from being a CEO, I join in whatever D3 adventures are happening. Papi challenges me to a hardcore race to 70, and while Widow looks delighted and dabbles in hardcore a little bit, McCree announces that it's not his idea of fun.
(I win. Zombie dogs for life.)
===
After an evening of firing his Colt and then a video chat with Ana that went late, McCree's passed out on the couch when Papi and I emerge for breakfast. Widow's snuggled up on his right, and she puts a finger to her lips as she sees us. The plan is immediately clear. I snuggle up to the metal arm and Papi wisps carefully over, puddling on our laps before re-forming into the doberman. We all close our eyes and enjoy the Familia Reyes cuddlepile, waiting in comfortable silence for our trash cowboy to wake up.
Jesse's breathing changes. A minute later, he says in a terrified whisper, "Gabe, they're asleep, what do I do?"
"Don't wake them," Papi growls quietly.
"But I really gotta pee!"
"Hold it," is the threatening response.
"Papi!" I snap in a fierce whisper
Reaper and Widow start giggling. Jesse realizes he's been had. We let him up, he retreats to shower, and theres buckwheat apology waiting when he comes back out. Jack tries to look sympathetic as Jesse complains about the ambush cuddlepile, but doesn't quite manage it.
Three days later, Uncle Jack is passed out on the couch when we get up. He wakes to find himself in a similar position, Widow and I each claiming an arm while Reaper-dog sprawls across all our laps. Instead of trying to extricate himself, though, he slowly moves his right hand until he can gently pet Reaper. After a few minutes, it's obvious that he actually has no intent to move.
"You're making this awkward," Reaper growls without opening his eyes.
"They got the old quarters cleaned up," Jack says quietly. "We've reached out to some of the old agents and gotten positive responses."
Reaper stiffens. "What are you saying?"
"I'm going to be moving into the HQ building in preparation for the returning agents actually returning."
There's a few beats, and then Reaper dissolves into smoke and flows out of the room, going elsewhere in the safehouse or possibly outside. Jack looks like he can't decide if he's startled and affronted, or startled and hurt.
"I don't think he wants you to go, Uncle Jack," I deadpan.
"Yeah, I got that impression," Jack replies. "Alright, my lovely nieces, I need you to let me up so I can go find and apologize to your father."
"Bring the rope. He'll find you."
Widow and I stand up, and I fetch the cloth rope while Jack stretches. He takes it with a nod of thanks and leaves the wing. Moments later, Jesse's door opens and he gives us an inquiring look.
"Jack's gonna move into the HQ building," I tell him. "If you gonna sulk at him, like Papi is, hold off a couple of hours?"
"Dad's sulking?" McCree asks. "Huh. Didn't think he'd care that much. Guess he's getting soft in his old age," he finishes with a grin. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Long as Jack's still gonna be in town where we can pry him out of his office and drag him to lunch or dinner with us."
Widow smiles. "I like that idea."
===
Damn it all to hell!"
Widow and I both look up; Jesse sounded genuinely upset. And he's been chipping at getting a hardcore demon hunter through campaign mode recently so he could join in when we play those characters. That means he probably died.
Again.
"Another one?" I ask, and he scowls.
"Yeah. Them stupid jumpy demons."
That makes me wince. He almost got through this time.
"Guess I should just stick to regular," he says with a familiar note of self-derision. He doesn't say because I'm not good enough, but it's in his tone.
Alright. This has gone far enough.
"One more, cowboy." My tone is hard and challenging.
"Why?" He practically spits the word out. "What's the point?"
"Because this time, you're going to make it."
"Oh, yeah?"
Good; he's in full bratty brother mode. "Yeah."
"Says who?"
"Says me." Me, the snotty sister.
"And if you're wrong?" There's genuine hurt under that bluster.
"Then I'll delete my witch doctor."
That makes him stop and stare at me for a long minute. "Hardcore or regular?" He asks it like this is the real test of my commitment.
"Regular," I answer without hesitating. He knows I would never willingly part with the assortment of set pieces and legendaries I have on that character. "Without stripping her first."
It's dawning on him that I'm serious. That I actually want him to succeed as much as he does. "Yer on," he says finally, and re-rolls his poor demon hunter for the seventh or eighth time.
I fetch my gaming pad and fire up Diablo 3.
He's just gotten into the Slaughtered Calf Inn to talk to Leah when I join the game on my hardcore witch doctor, nowhere near as godly as my regular one but still formidable with five zombie dogs and a handful of lucky legendaries.
"What're you doing, Sombra?" he asks, wary, as I unleash the dogs on the Wretched Mother and start heading up the Old Tristram Road.
"Protecting my investment," I tell him in a well, duh voice. "You gonna make it this time because I gonna kill everything that gets near you."
"Then how is that me making it?" he protests. "You doin' all the work for me? That's cheating!"
"You mean, that's you taking advantage of all your available resources," I correct smugly. "I never said you had to do it solo."
Bewildered, he follows me up to the ruins of Old Tristram. "Yer serious."
My voice is firm as I clear the ruins. "I not gonna lose my tiny gargantuans. You gonna make it through campaign, and then I gonna make sure you get to seventy."
"But-"
That's as far as he gets before Widow joins the game and hands in the quest for us. She's on a half-leveled monk; good, we'll have heals just in case.
"Yer serious," he says again, bewildered by this unexpected show of solidarity and support.
"You don't gotta sound so surprised," I tease. "What, you don't think I want to see you succeed?"
"With all the shit you give me?" he counters, but he follows me into the Cathedral. Widow's not far behind.
"You my brother, Jesse. Of course I gonna give you shit. Don't mean I don't care. Have you not seen the shit I give Reaper?"
There's a few beats before he mumbles, "Didn't know I was included in..." and the rest trails off.
"Belt," Widow says quietly, dropping a rare belt on the ground. So that's why she's on the monk instead of her crusader - so she can pass otherwise-useless drops on because they'll have dex instead of strength.
"You..."
"Shut up and let us help you, mijo."
"Fine," he grumbles, but he picks up the belt and the way he's sitting looks more pleased than offended.
=
We're looking for Zoltan Kuule's blood when Reaper comes back from a video chat with Ana. He wisps into the room, forms behind Jesse, and stares for a moment.
"What are you doing?" he demands, causing the cowboy to jump and shout in surprise.
"Stealing McCree's kills," I answer casually.
Widow looks up and smiles. "Pretending to be Tante Ana."
Jesse settles himself again and mock-grumbles, "Don't look at me, I'm just along for the ride."
Reaper lets out an amused snort and flows off. Three minutes later he comes in on his demon hunter, but doesn't teleport to us. I keep killing, we find the blood, and as we're running around trying to find the other small dungeon, we get quest complete and Reaper teleports to us. Then he does the Death Blossom thing, cloud of black smoke firing shots in all directions clearing the way to the entrance to the archives, and from his room I can hear, "Die, die, die!"
"PAPI!" I yell without slowing down. "IF YOU GONNA HELP US OUT, GET OUT HERE AND BE SOCIAL!"
Jesse looks hopeful and terrified.
"AND HUG YOUR TRASH COWBOY," I continue, lowering my voice as Reaper enters the room again. "He think you don't love him."
"You don't gotta hug me," the trash cowboy mutters. "I'm good."
Naturally, that gets him an awkward over-the-back-of-the-chair hug before Reaper joins his faux-daughters on the couch and we adjust so that we're both leaning against him.
"I got left," I tell him as we run down the archives to the end. "You go right and we'll meet you in the Shadow Realm."
"Acknowledged," he replies, and we separate to get both Shadow Locks open in record time.
=
It always takes Malthael forever to get over himself and drop loot, but with McCree staring in stunned awe, it seems to take even longer. Finally the screen goes white and then there's the usual explosion of gold, gems, a rare or two, and - clang - a legendary. Boots. I pick them up and drop them for my trash cowboy brother.
"I did it," he says in shock. "I made it through campaign mode without dying."
"You're welcome," Widow murmurs.
"I...I couldn't have done it without you." He's trying to make it deadpan, acknowledging the truth of the situation, but he just sounds humbled and grateful.
"We not done yet," I tease. "Still gotta get you to seventy. Pick up your boots and talk to Tyrael."
He does, and while the game is ending Reaper growls, "What's the plan?"
"Your choice, cowboy," I tell McCree. "Rifts or bounties?"
He shakes himself out of his awe. "Uh...well, half'a my gear's not the best..."
"Bounties," Reaper says decisively as he leaves the game. "Change the difficulty level. Put it up to torment."
McCree blanches at that.
"You and Widow staying in town," I clarify as she and I leave the game as well. "She needs to level, too. Me and Papi gonna run the bounties, you two just stay safe and collect the rewards."
He gives Reaper a funny look, but seconds later we're in the Act Two camp on T1. I mouse over the bounties to see which one the boss fight is and pick another. Next to me, Reaper's gone to a different one and is wisping happily as he kills things. When we've each done two bounties, we meet up to put Magda in her place. Widow and Jesse skip the fight, but teleport to us so they can loot the chest. We clear acts three and five the same way, but in act four I spot a bandit shrine.
"Papi, help me clear this map."
"Why?"
"Bandit shrine."
On his other side, Widow perks up and McCree sits straighter in his chair. The entire level - one of the winding hell maps - is cleared in short order, no enemies that might pose a threat to the two underleveled members of the party.
"Alright, come to me."
Widow's appeared at Reaper's side almost before the words are out of my mouth, but Jesse looks uncertain.
"This ain't a trick, is it?" he asks from town.
"Not on hardcore. You gonna like this, Jesse. Come on."
Once he's joined us by the shrine, I click it and a dozen assorted goblins spawn, giggle, and run away. Or at least, try to run away, because Papi's a black cloud of die-die-die and I'm hitting them all with locusts and haunting spirits while my dogs chew on them, and Widow's over to the side kicking a gem hoarder while Jesse, overwhelmed, hits all his buttons and fires off caltrops and Rain of Vengeance and clicks madly trying to pick up even a fraction of the loot explosions as they die, one by one.
None of them escape.
"I, uh, need to go back to town," the cowboy says.
As soon as he teleports, Widow drops a bunch of rares and Reaper follows suit. It takes everyone about three trips each to pick everything up, and an extra one for my trash cowboy brother because of the extra rares. Mine are useless to him, so I'm done first and I move on to the other bounties. The chest after I kill Azmodan is pretty anti-climactic, and Reaper and I leave the other two there sorting through things while we go clear the bounties in act one.
=
"Alright," Jesse says, "that's everything either rare or legendary."
"Good," Papi said, leaving the game and the party. "Get in here, we're going to get you to seventy."
Widow and I switch games, but McCree blanches. "That's torment two!"
"Get in here, boy," Reaper growls.
Wincing, Jesse joins the game.
"Sombra. You go on ahead," Papi commands, opening a regular rift. I jump in and start killing, clearing a safe area. "Widow, you stay with McCree. Keep yourselves alive. Don't move from the entrance." Reaper enters the rift and checks to make sure nothing survived me. "Clear. Get in here and start soaking up this XP."
I clear the map, spreading locusts and haunting spirits like the combined embodiments of Death and Pestilence, while Papi stands guard over my siblings. Once everything is dead, I follow Jesse's demon hunter around as he explores the map for his drops. We all take a quick trip to town to trash the contents of our inventories, and then it's back into the rift and down to the next level because we're only halfway to the rift guardian. I clear the map (and kill the boss) while Reaper again hangs back to make sure nothing attacks the other two. Once drops have been gathered, we port back to town and he closes the rift.
It takes McCree a few minutes to sort through all the drops, both his own and things Papi and Widow have dropped for him, and then we hit another rift. It's rinse and repeat until suddenly Jesse screams.
"Level seventy!"
"Grats," Widow murmurs.
Reaper just says, "Good. hija, finish clearing this map. We'll summon the rift guardian and then-"
"No," Jesse says, porting back to down. "Thankee kindly for everything you've done for me today, shadow-sis, but my nerves can't take any more of this. You got me to seventy, like you promised, and now I'm done."
"Done-done, or just done with hardcore?" I ask as he leaves the game and signs off.
"Done with hardcore at least. Give me half an hour with that bottle of bourbon you bought me a while back, and maybe I'll screw around on regular for a bit."
"Fair enough," I tell him, while Reaper growls, "Fine."
Widow tugs on the hoodie's sleeve. "Papi, I want paragon levels."
"You heard your sister, Sombra. Keep clearing. I'll guard her."
"No problem," I tell them, and start moving again.
McCree goes to his room and comes back with the half-empty bottle of bourbon he took home the first time I helped him fire his Colt. He sprawls with it on the other couch, idly watching us play and sipping appreciatively. At the half-hour mark, he puts the bottle aside and picks up his pad again. When he logs back in, he switches to his half-leveled barbarian and starts running bounties while slowly working on the rest of the bourbon.
Then, in the Ruins of Sescheron, disaster strikes. A champion pack of illusionist Rat Kings corners him, and he can't cut down the illusions fast enough to take down the pack. He makes a break for it, but they keep popping up around him, blocking him with their bodies, and he's getting increasingly more frantic as his health slowly drops.
"No, no, no, NO! NO! NO! FUCK!" McCree throws the pad down onto the couch next to him. Then he starts laughing shakily. "Revive," he breathes. "I'm not on hardcore. I'm not dead. I can revive." He picks up the pad and touches 'revive in town'. "I'm alive. I'm alive." Then he looks up at Reaper. "Is this what it's like to be you?"
Widow and I burst into laughter. Luckily, we're in town, because the absurdity of the entire situation has us in hysterics.
"No," Reaper says dryly. "It's like that, but I make it look good."