Loki: Proposal and aftermath

[moonshadows]

“I’ve never done this before,” Darcy said nervously.

“Don’t be afraid. It won’t hurt, and I’ll be there with you.” Calmly, he looked at the sky. “Heimdall, open the bifrost.”

The column of prismatic light shot down out of the sky and enveloped them. Darcy had seen it before, but never from the inside and a scream went unheard as she raced through the nine realms at a speed faster than sound. And then, suddenly, she stood within a hemisphere of golden gears while a tall man in matching armor removed a sword from a pedestal.

“Thank you, Heimdall,” Loki said, inclining his head slightly. The tall man in golden armor returned the gesture.

“So you’re the Heimdall I’ve heard people shouting at,” Darcy said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Is that all you do, get shouted at?”

“No,” he answered evenly. “I also watch.”

“Watch what?”

“Everything.”

Darcy glanced at Loki for confirmation, and he gave her a shrug and a nod. “A bit simplistic, but still the truth.”

“I have watched you, Darcy Lewis,” Heimdall said. “As I have watched Jane Foster. Did you know that Thor destroyed this bridge, thinking it the only way to stop a genocide?”

“That…doesn’t surprise me,” she sighed.

“Did you know that Loki repaired it? That he spent hours, days, swimming through the chaos between realms, seeking each fragment?”

“That,” she said smugly, “I did know.”

“Your son approaches,” the gatekeeper said calmly, and Loki nodded his thanks.

“He will bear us to the palace,” he explained as he urged Darcy out onto the impossible surface of the Rainbow Bridge.

“I’ve never ridden a horse,” she protested, but the words dried up in her mouth as Sleipnir approached.

He was bigger than any horse she’d ever seen, his coat a dark silky grey, and eight legs struck multicolored sparks as he galloped smoothly towards them, only to rear in obvious showmanship at the last second.

“I missed you, too,” Loki murmured, hugging the head that nosed at him. “Yes, you’re my precious boy.”

With their heads so close together, Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. “Your hair,” she said as they both looked at her, and she pointed at Sleipnir’s dark, glossy, wavy mane. “He has your hair.”

Horse and man looked at each other for a moment, and then the stallion whickered.

“Perhaps later, you can braid our manes,” Loki offered.

Darcy looked at the stallion, unfazed at the implication that Loki would take the shape of a horse. “I’m good at braiding,” she assured him. “Loki looks fabulous when I’ve braided his hair.”

Sleipnir whickered again and nosed at her, and she laughed and petted him.

“Don’t be afraid,” Loki murmured as he put his hands on her waist and lifted her to sit sideways on the horse’s broad back. A moment later, he vaulted up to sit astride the stallion, and Darcy allowed him to pull her back against his chest. “To the palace, please,” he said cheerfully.

The giant horse began walking with a gait so smooth he seemed to be gliding, then moved into a trot that was no more jarring than being in a car on a dirt road. Once up to speed there, he shifted to a rolling canter and finally, a gently-rocking gallop that stole the breath from Darcy’s lungs as the world flew by.

 

“It’s called a dreamstone,” Loki said softly. He knelt before the bench upon which Darcy sat and gently slid the elegant gold band onto her finger. The stone winked at her like a pale yellow diamond whose grandmother had been an opal. “It records the events that occur around it and, later, can play them back. It is my hope…” He swallowed, forced his voice to steady, eyes firmly on the ring and not her face. “It is my hope that a century from now, when your light has ceased to shine and my heart grows cold in the absence of your warmth, that I will have a lifetime of memories at your side with which to ward off the darkness that otherwise would swallow me at having to continue on without you as my wife.”

Tears streaming down his cheeks, her hand gently cradled between his, he looked up into her astonished face.

“Darcy Lewis, will you marry me and be the warmth and light of my life until death parts us?”

“Oh, Loki!” She blinked, blinked again, but the tears came anyway. “Yes. Yes, you glorious thing!”

Darcy threw herself from the bench into his arms, not caring what it might do to her jeans, and kissed him frantically. He, in turn, simply held her with quiet desperation.

“I’m glad you gave up the throne,” she said fiercely when she was done marking her territory with kisses. “Asgard deserves to go without your brilliance for a few decades to see what idiots they are for taking you for granted.”

“I would say that the only kingdom I desire to rule is your heart, but it would not be truthful.” Loki smiled, leaning back to admire her expression. “I am content to huddle within your heart like a child seeking refuge from the storm, safe and warm.”

“Yeah, well right now your heart’s being warmed by the fires of my smug, because hot damn I just scored the most perfect glass of tall, dark, and handsome to ever set a pair of panties on fire.” Darcy grinned madly. “So there.”

Loki took her hands in his and stood, bringing his future bride to her feet as well. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way,” he said lightly, “would you like to meet my parents?”

“Are you sure they’re ready for me?” she teased.

“Only one way to find out.”

Darcy held her left hand out, admiring the dreamlike sparkle on her ring finger. “Will there be a big party?”

“A feast such as hasn’t been held since the one planned for my brother’s ruined coronation.”

“Everyone who is anyone will be there?”

“And they will be falling all over each other to fawn on the future princess of Asgard.”

“Fuck yes,” she breathed, her smile nearly too broad for her face to contain. “Let’s go make Asgard jealous.”

 

Frigga was in a small garden overlooking the city. She turned with a gasp when the door opened, tears filling her eyes as she rushed towards the slender figure stepping hesitantly inside.

“Loki! My son, my precious child, you have returned to us!”

“Mother.” Although more vocally restrained, he hugged her with even more enthusiasm than she embraced him with.

“Come,” she half-sobbed. “Sit with me. Tell me all the things your father and brother do not.”

Loki freed himself gently from her arms. “Well, to start with…I’m engaged.”

Darcy found herself swept into the sort of motherly embrace she’d never actually experienced. “Um…hi?”

“Mother, this is Darcy Lewis of Midgard, who single-handedly brought my brother low upon his arrival in her realm. Darcy, my mother Frigga, queen of Asgard.”

“My Loki does not lavish his attention on just anyone,” Frigga said warmly as she released her future daughter-in-law enough to get a good look at her. “Thus, I know that you must be a jewel among women, with a clever mind and a stout heart behind your lovely appearance. I will be proud to call you my daughter.”

Darcy glanced at her boyfr- her fiancé. “Are you sure you got your silver tongue from your dad?”

“It’s possible that I inherited the skill from him, but learned the finer points of the art from Mother,” he said, pale eyes dancing.

“Come, both of you.” Frigga pulled each of them by the hand toward a wide bench. “Sit with me, and talk. Your father will know you are here, Loki, and Thor will learn soon enough, but I haven’t had a chance to speak with you since…” her words faltered.

“Since I killed Laufey,” Loki finished for her. “Mother…I am so sorry.”

“Tell me,” she urged gently. “Tell me everything, Loki. Let it all out, so that when others ask, you can make it the splendid tale of your glorious deeds and tell it with pride.”

On Frigga’s other side, Darcy reached towards him and his fingers met hers halfway.

“I let the Jotuns into Asgard,” he said softly. “Thor was too reckless to be king. Afterward…he convinced our friends to go with him to Jotunheim, ‘looking for answers’. I told a guard to tell Father, but Father wanted to see what Thor would do and so…he did not stop us. Laufey…his heart was a twisted ruin, he meant to kill us and take from the House of Odin what Father had taken from him: beloved son, hope for the future of his people. It was terrifying. But during the fight, one of the Jotuns grasped my arm.” He shook his hands free to touch his left wrist, eyes closed in memory. “My skin turned blue, just like his. That’s when I realized…all the times I’d had to get out of the water, it wasn’t a frail constitution chilling me. It was a lie that had been woven around me since the day I’d been taken.”

“I’m so sorry, Loki.” Frigga pulled him back into an embrace, and Darcy got up to sit on his other side, one hand on his knee and the other rubbing his back. “Your father and I argued countless times about that, about telling you.”

“He was jealous,” Loki murmured. “When he brought us back from Jotunheim and sent the others back, he was furious with Thor. I tried to confess that I was the one at fault, but he already knew. He silenced me so that Thor wouldn’t know.” Pale eyes closed, he shuddered. “You are unworthy of these realms, you are unworthy of your title, you are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed,” Loki whispered. “Then he stripped Thor of his power and banished him. He laid a command on Mjolnir – Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor – and sent it after him. I went to the Vault, to test what had happened, to see if I truly was a monster-”

“Loki.”

Darcy’s sharp tone of disapproval made Frigga raise her gaze from Loki’s head in surprise.

Eyes still closed, he smiled. “Yes, Darcy, I know. But at the time…that’s how I felt. The touch of the Casket caused my skin to change. Father confronted me; I confronted him right back. He told me that I was Laufey’s son before the Odinsleep took him. I was so scared, Mother.”

“I know,” she murmured reassuringly.

“When my hand touched Gungir, I heard his heart. It said that he was certain Thor would not prove worthy for a considerable length of time, and that if I was a wise and clever king, he would never awaken and leave me the throne as recompense for all the things I’d suffered.” A shaky, bitter laugh burbled out of him. “If I’d been scared before, that terrified me beyond words. My birth father had declared war, I was a Jotun, I was king of Asgard, and I was the only witness to Thor’s banishment.”

Frigga stroked his hair. “Tell me how you saved everyone, Loki.”

“Deception. I turned Sif and the Warriors Three against me. I played Heimdall’s duty to Asgard against his oaths. I lied to Thor, broke him in every way I could, shattered his hope. I promised Laufey the Casket if he would come to Asgard and kill Father. I waited until Heimdall sent the others to Midgard to find Thor and bring him back, then sent the Destroyer.”

“It worked like a charm,” Darcy piped up, her tone just shy of a challenge. “Thor sacrificed himself to save everyone – not that anyone had died, Loki was very careful to cause a lot of property damage but not hit anyone – and Mjolnir came shooting down out of the sky to his hand. He made himself the villain because without a villain to fight, Thor couldn’t be a hero.”

“He was worthy, and he was coming for me,” Loki continued, head still on his mother’s shoulder. “I led Laufey to Father’s bedchamber, but Thor was too slow. I had to kill Laufey myself, and then find another way to discredit myself so that Thor could be the hero and I could confess my lies.”

“But he was an idiot,” Darcy interjected again.

Loki laughed. “She’s right. Thor broke the bridge instead of breaking the ice. Father caught us at the last second, but…” He shuddered again. “I could see in his heart, he still thought me the worthy son and he would have me replace Thor as his heir. I couldn’t let that happen, Mother, it would break Thor’s heart and tear the realm with civil war. So I let go. I fell…so very long. And when I landed…”

“The Chitauri,” Frigga finished. “My poor son. I know how much you suffered; your father was weak and ill with worry for you.”

“I convinced them that I could conquer Midgard and deliver them the Tesseract. They sent me to fetch it. I rounded up such heroes as Midgard had to offer, enraged them, aimed them at the Chitauri, and they won. Father knew that I needed the ritual of mercy; he told me to seek it with his blessing.”

“He came to Earth and was a double agent for us,” Darcy supplied. “It took a while, but he got his honor cleansed through combat and mercy, and came out as one of the good guys. He’s a hero now, even more beloved than Thor.” She paused. “Thor’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but we of Midgard appreciate sarcasm and cleverness over good looks. Especially if they come wrapped in good looks.”

Frigga smiled. “Are you happy there, Loki?”

Slowly, he sat up, one hand tangling with Darcy’s. “Yes. Happier, I think, than I’ve ever been.”

“Then I am happy for you, Loki.”

“Ah…there’s one other thing.” Loki looked comically uncomfortable. “The Jotuns…they’re female. All of them. They do not nurse their young, and so they seem male to us, but...when Father took me, and I inherited some of everything he had to offer…”

“Loki’s not really male. He’s both.”

“I suspected something like that,” Frigga said calmly. “It doesn’t matter, as long as you are happy. But on to other things,” she continued briskly. “Such as my future daughter. Tell me of yourself, Darcy Lewis.”

“I knocked Thor on his ass,” she said immediately. “I grew up with people who tried to tell me that I was stupid and ugly, and decided to prove them all wrong. I trained to be a…someone who looks at the people running the country and tells if they’re lying or not. That’s how I met Loki, and he was immediately impressed with my courage and cleverness. We struck a bargain where we’d pretend to be courting, and he would let me try to figure out his secrets. Then we became friends.” She leaned in, hugging him briefly. “He needed a friend, someone who could see past the lie and be trusted to keep his secret. I did that for him, and helped him heal a little, and he helped me be a warrior on the field of verbal battle.”

“I also helped you heal.”

“Yeah.” She grimaced. “My mom…well, I’ve only known you for what, ten minutes? And already I know you’re a better mother than mine. I know Odin’s a better father than my dad, and I’ve never met him. My dad skipped out on us when I was twelve and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. I know, I tracked his ass down and sued him for child support. I was also there when Loki got the antidote Odin sent, so I know he at least cares if his son lives or dies.”

“He cares much more than that,” Frigga assured her.

“Yeah, I can gather that much from stories Loki tells, but actions speak louder than words. I witnessed Odin not wanting Loki to die, and to me that counts more than all the stories in the world.”

“Darcy is the most precious jewel Midgard has to offer,” Loki said proudly, beaming at her. “Every moment with her is a delight; I count myself the most fortunate in the nine realms that I was the one to capture her heart.”

“I seriously don’t see how girls weren’t falling all over each other trying to get his attention,” Darcy declared, hands up as though disavowing such foolishness.

Frigga smiled in tolerant pride. “None of them could keep his attention, much less keep up with him.”

“You totally get it from her,” Darcy said, fighting down a blush.

 

“Darcy,” Loki said, his voice trembling ever so slightly, “My father, Odin.”

She stared fearlessly into his eye, remembering that he could see into her heart.

“You are correct,” Odin said gently. “I wronged Loki, and it will take centuries to repair what I have, in my arrogance and selfishness, broken. But I give you my word, Darcy Lewis: I will strive until my dying day to be the father that he deserves. I would that I had a better wedding gift to bestow upon you, something worthy of the service you have done the House of Odin with your selfless devotion. Alas, all I can offer is the promise that when your mortal life has ended, you shall walk the halls of Valhalla, and it seems a paltry offering indeed.” Gravely, he took her free hand and bent over it. “I will be honored to call you my daughter.”

“Wow,” she muttered. “So this is what it’s like to have a father that’s not a complete dickhead.”

“Loki, we must speak later. I trust that you plan to do everything in your power to keep this treasure of Midgard safe; as my wedding gift to you, I would add my power to yours and aid in that goal.”

The tension bled out of him. It wasn’t much, but Darcy knew the signs. The way he held his shoulders, the grip he had on her fingers, the shape of his eyebrows. “Thank you, Father.”

“One more thing,” Darcy said suddenly. “I know I’m either making the worst impression ever or the best, but you’ve probably been watching me for months so you already know what I’m like, so here goes.” She took a deep breath. “Would you still have tried to put him on the throne if he hadn’t gotten his male-ness from you?”

Both Asgardians stared at her.

“I don’t know,” Odin said finally. “My plan had been to give Loki the Casket on the day that Thor took my place as king, reveal the secret I’d kept his whole life, and trust that they could work together to bring peace.” He grimaced. “Your brother was right. I was a fool. I hope that you can help him learn how to be a good king, since you have made it clear that is an honor you do not wish to have for yourself.”

Loki smiled dryly. “I’ll try.”

The single eye of the Allfather twinkled. “You would have been a good queen.”

“He already is.”

For a moment, the solemn statement hung in the air. Then Loki let out a tiny snort of amusement. That did it; Loki and Darcy burst into helpless laughter, leaning against each other and gasping for breath.

“It’s…when a man…dresses as a woman,” Loki choked out between giggles. “To pretend that he is a woman. I’ve done it…”

“…and he’s good at it,” snickered Darcy.

Odin smiled. “Well, of course. He’s my son.”

 

Halfway down a corridor, Loki stopped.

“You have met my mother and father already today,” he said in a quick, low voice. “If you would put off being congratulated by my brother, the Warriors Three, and Lady Sif, speak now.”

“I think I can handle it,” Darcy whispered firmly.

Loki gestured. “Follow me, and don’t speak. “

Silently they darted down the hall and around a corner before falling into line behind a pair of servants bearing an awful lot of food on a kind of portable table. When the servants were admitted to a specific room, Loki followed and moved to the side once he passed the doorframe. Darcy stood next to him, both hands over her mouth to stifle the giggles as she realized they’d just snuck into the room where Thor and his companions were lounging and feasting – the Asgardian noble equivalent of a casual dinner. Loki urged her gently forward as the servants retreated and neatly stole the drumsticks from the enormous – well, it probably wasn’t a turkey, but that was close enough. She snagged a slab of bread as he guided her past the table, accepted a drumstick, and sat next to him on the ostentatious couch Hogun had been lurking alone on. Then she felt the soft pressure of the magic spell drop. To hide her smile at the reactions their sudden appearance would get momentarily, she bit into the drumstick.

Fandral shouted; Sif drew a knife and Volstagg choked on whatever he’d been drinking. Hogun’s eyes widened, then crinkled at the corners. But Thor…

Thor started, stared, looked around wildly, tried to speak through a mouthful of meat, chewed furiously, swallowed too soon, choked again, coughed, and finally rushed up to hug Loki with tears in his eyes.

“Brother! You have returned to Asgard! Surely nothing has happened to…”

“Tony’s fine,” Loki assured him.

“Then why are you here in the company of…” he trailed off, realizing who was sitting between Loki and Hogun. “Darcy Lewis, am I to have the honor of calling you sister?”

Now it was her turn to swallow hastily. “Um. Yes? I mean…Loki asked me to marry him and I said yes…”

“Does Father know?”

“Of course Father knows,” Loki said lazily, pulling his bride-to-be closer with one arm. “We’ll be here another six days.”

“This is fantastic! Friends, do you know what this means?”

Volstagg sat up eagerly. “A feast! A glorious feast!”

“Lovely ladies to dance with!”

“Like you stop at dancing, Fandral?”

“Like you ever start, Lady Sif?”

“It means,” Hogun said in his usual grim tones, “that we have five days in which to find gifts worthy of a prince of Asgard and his wife.”

The mirth died. Darcy looked around in confusion.

“I don’t even know what to start looking for, much less actually do the looking,” confessed Fandral.

“He’s right.” The bearded warrior laid his tankard down with a solemn expression. “We know so little about Lady Darcy.”

“She is a warrior of Midgard,” Thor declared as he resumed his seat. “Upon my arrival in her realm, she defeated me with a weapon that turned the lightning against me.”

“What? No, I’m not a warrior!”

“Not a warrior such as we are familiar with,” purred Loki. “She fights with words and mind, and is quite good at it.”

“It is no wonder, then, that she has survived your friendship.”

Privately, Darcy applauded Hogun’s deadpan delivery and wondered how he could stand being the straight man in the Warriors Three.

Loki smiled fondly around the room. “My friends, Darcy is the finest jewel Midgard had to offer. She outshines every diamond with her sparkling wit.”

“Well, that rules out precious stones, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t be so hasty, Volstagg.” Fandral grinned. “Even the most glorious jewel can be enhanced by the right setting.”

“You’re saying jewelry is still an option?”

From the other side of the room, Sif caught Darcy’s eyes and rolled hers, grinning.

Hogun’s quiet, rough voice cut through the chatter of the other two men. “If she is a warrior of the mind, knowledge would be a valuable weapon.”

“I’m not learned enough to pick out knowledge worthy enough of my future sister, much less know where to find it.”

“I suppose there’s always the more mundane gifts, but what horse could match the ride she’d get from her husband-to-be?”

“Fandral!”

Dodging a blow from Sif, he asked, “What, Lady Darcy?”

“He doesn’t…we don’t…”

“I’m gelded,” Loki said with amusement. “Side effect of being half-Jotun. Apparently, they’re all female and Laufey was my dam.”

The look Fandral gave him was utter in comprehension that faded into deep, almost personal affront. “But you were more popular with the wenches than any of us!”

“Hey, just because he doesn’t go all the way, that doesn’t mean he’s not amazing at getting halfway there.”

He inclined his head to concede the point. “Still…never? Nothing at all?” At Loki’s nod, he shook his head. “That’s unnatural. Criminally unfair. Not just to Lady Darcy,” he added hastily. “Now we’ll never know which of us is better between the sheets! But that’s not even what I meant in the first place. Your future husband once spent the better part of a year fooling various noblemen into thinking the well-bred mare with a coat like fresh cream and ebony mane and tail was theirs to claim, allowing himself to be ridden and fed and stabled, only to sneak out in the middle of the night and watch the panic the next morning.” His expression softened with fond wistfulness. “Even got me once. Gait like the finest silk. I think the only horse that could ever surpass him is Sleipnir.”

Loki grinned. “I think I still have that amulet. Too bad Midgardians don’t commonly use the horse for transportation. I’d love to see the look on Tony’s face after he finished riding me.”

“That’s something else we didn’t consider,” Sif said suddenly. “They’ll be living on Midgard. Our gifts have to be transportable.”

The humor in the room died again.

“Okay, this is stupid,” Darcy burst out after several long, grimly silent moments. “You don’t have to try to find something in a week, okay? We’ll be having a Midgardian wedding too, probably not for a year or so. If you’re that intent on getting us wedding gifts, you can give them to us then.”

“Of course we’re going to give you wedding gifts.” Thor looked mildly offended. “Loki is my only brother and a prince of Asgard and you, his treasured bride. Our honor demands nothing less than the best we can find.”

Incredulously, she looked around at the others and found only agreement. Even Loki was acting like this was perfectly normal. “Okay…well…I can’t argue with that. But you don’t have to worry about it right now, so we can get back to the eating and joking around…right?” For emphasis, she took another bite of her forgotten drumstick.

Volstagg laughed, holding his belly with both hands. “I like her!” Then his eyes fell on the roast bird and he realized where the drumsticks had gone. For just a moment, he looked mournful. Then he laughed harder. “Loki, you tricky weasel, you did it again! I’d just gotten used to being able to claim at least one of them.”

The dark-haired Asgardian smiled. “I only steal them because you make such a fuss. Here…” Carefully, he tossed the other drumstick to Volstagg, who caught it with more dexterity than one might have expected.

“I can’t lie, I kind of want to see him in a pie-eating contest or something.”

“Pie?” the hefty man said around his mouthful. “You hold contests for eating?”

Fandral looked immensely interested. “What other kinds of contests do they hold on Midgard?”

While Darcy explained competitive eating, Thor caught Loki’s gaze and smiled. “It’s good to have you back, brother, even if only for a few days.”

Loki returned the smile, but it did not reach his eyes and he pulled Darcy ever-so-slightly closer. From the other end of the couch, Sif frowned.

 

Darcy rang the duplex’s doorbell, then bounced slightly on the balls of her feet and admired the elegant Asgardian gown that clung to her curves in some places and flowed gracefully in others. After a minute, the door opened to reveal a relatively athletic man of Hispanic background.

“Aaron,” she said in a tone of unexpected recognition.

He looked her up and down. “Yeah, and you are…?”

“Darcy Lewis,” she said more confidently. “Freshman year. Remember me? I dumped you after you tried to rape me, and you told me that you were the best a ‘flat-chested four-eyed nerd’ like me could ever do.” Her fingers crooked sarcastically around the words.

The look was more appraising, now, and Loki fought back a surge of protective rage. “Yeah, I remember you. So, what, you came back to beg after all this time?”

She stepped down off the porch, and Loki took that as his cue to come forward and slide his arms around her torso.

“Nope,” she said smugly. “I came by to let you know that I’m engaged to Prince Loki Odinson of Asgard. You know, one of the Avengers, best friend of Tony Stark, saves the world? I know you know who he is, you friended him on Facebook.”

“You were a fool,” Loki purred over her shoulder as Aaron stared in awe. “You had the greatest treasure your realm possesses, and you mistreated her.”

Aaron stared at them, past them to the limo waiting obediently by the curb. “This is a joke.”

“Oh, it’s no joke.” Grinning, Loki manifested his armor. Glorious now in gleaming white and deep green, the horns of his helmet curving gracefully and his cape fluttering slightly in the wind, he laughed. “My parents were quite impressed with her. All of Asgard feasted the amazing woman who holds the heart of the younger prince, and my brother Thor calls her ‘sister’ with pride while the Allfather smiles when he calls her ‘daughter’. My mother, of course, is already hoping for grandchildren.”

“According to Asgardian tradition, we’re already married,” Darcy threw in smugly. “I’m a princess of Asgard now. Not bad for a flat-chested four-eyed nerd, hmm?”

“Your chest is not flat, my dear. His petty attempt at covering his own shortcomings by disparaging your assets is laughable at best.” Loki smirked at the other man. “It’s no surprise that a mind as small as his could not even begin to comprehend the glory of yours.”

Aaron stared at the two of them, mouth opening and closing for several seconds, before he gave up and shook his head. “I think I need to go re-evaluate my life. And maybe get drunk.”

Darcy squirmed free of Loki’s grip and rummaged in the discreet pouch hanging from her belt. While both men watched, she pulled out her wallet, counted out a few bills, and climbed the steps to hand them to the astonished man still holding the screen door open with his other hand. “Here,” she said as he took four twenty-dollar bills from her. “It’s on me. Get yourself something good.”

As she skipped back down the steps, she stopped to kiss Loki. What began as a quick kiss lengthened, then heated, until she finally pulled back.

“Not here,” she said, detangling her arms from his neck, her voice breathy. Then she smirked over her shoulder at Aaron. “In the limo, on the way to the airport.”

Loki chuckled and leaned in to drop a light kiss on her lips. “As you wish, my love.”

 

Jane stirred her cocktail. “So, did he pop the question?” She wasn’t unhappy that her friend-slash-younger-sister was so disgustingly happy with her life, just…a little jealous. Sure, she’d decided years ago that her career was more important than any man, but having a literal god fall into her lap because of said career and then never getting past second base was a little frustrating. That Darcy – quiet, self-effacing, political-science-she-was-the-only-applicant Darcy – who’d made a career of being quietly clever and deliberately overlooked had not only found a literal god of her own but had apparently gotten further with him…well, it was making her re-think the whole career-over-man thing.

The hand not holding a drink was extended for inspection. “It’s a dreamstone. He said it records memories so they can be played back later.” She didn’t say ‘after I’m dead’, but she didn’t have to. They’d had plenty of conversations about getting involved with a man centuries old and likely to get centuries older.

“That’s so sweet! I can’t believe it, you’re actually engaged!”

“Technically…we’re already married. By Asgardian tradition.” Darcy waved the issue away. “You drink a few cups of mead together, the Allfather calls you his daughter, and everyone walks you to the bedroom where they assume you spend the night banging, and that’s it. You’re married.”

Jane frowned. “You’re still going to have a real, Earth wedding, right?”

Nearly choking on her drink, Darcy said, “Of course. We’re still working out the details, though. C’mon, Jane, he only asked me to marry him a few days ago.”

“Sooo…” The older woman stirred her drink again before sipping it. “Did you?”

“Did we what?”

“Bang all night.” Jane grinned. “Come on, tell me what it’s like in the sack with an Asgardian.”

“We didn’t, Jane.” Eyes averted, the younger woman tossed back the rest of her cocktail.

“You didn’t? Why not?”

“Loki’s asexual.”

Jane stared at her friend’s calm statement. “You’re telling me that neither of us are getting laid because mine can put out but won’t commit, and yours will commit but can’t put out?”

The look Darcy gave her was pure are you shitting me. “There’s other things to do, if you’re open to a little creativity, and Loki is very creative. You know Thor’s not going to just throw his virginity away, he’s a prince and he has to save himself so there can’t be any mistake about his heir.”

“Loki’s a prince,” the scientist grumbled.

“Loki’s not in line for the throne, mostly because he doesn’t want it, but part of that is that he can’t father a child and produce an heir, so it doesn’t matter who he marries.”

Jane’s eyebrows drew together. “Wait, doesn’t he have a son?”

“He does. I’ve met him. He’s a real stallion.” She rolled her eyes at the knowing look that got. “An actual stallion. He’s an eight-legged horse. If Loki were entirely female and okay with being queen, he’d still have to produce an actual heir and I don’t know about you, but picking a guy to just knock me up isn’t my idea of a good time.”

The older woman sighed and massaged her temples. “Thor’s never going to propose to me, is he?”

“He’s a prince, Jane,” Darcy said as gently as she could. “Heir to the throne. I’ve seen how seriously Asgardians take things. Sif and the Warriors Three were beside themselves that they hadn’t had enough warning to get me wedding gifts at all much less what they thought were proper wedding gifts. As far as they were concerned, it was as serious as if they’d just stood there and watched someone kill my family. Not that anyone killed my family,” she said hurriedly. “Although that would be a pretty cool wedding gift. How many of these have I had?”

“Yeah, I think you’re done.”

“I think so, too. But they were so serious, I thought Hogun was going to stab himself right there to cleanse the dishonor, and I’m not entirely convinced that when we do get Earth-married, they won’t show up with, like, an entire herd of horses and a chest of gold and a collection of the finest gowns in the nine realms and maybe some hot man-slaves or something.” Darcy frowned. “Fandral was almost personally affronted that Loki’s asexual. He takes pleasuring woman really, really seriously. Kept talking about and offering to help Loki find a stud for me. And that’s just the mortal wife of a prince who’s never going to take the throne. Less than a century and I’ll be gone, and they were going on and on like it was going to be war because they hadn’t gotten me a matched set of daggers or a prize horse or something.”

Jane pushed her glass aside. “So what you’re saying is that Thor’s never going to propose because he’s going to be king and as much as he likes me, a mortal woman with a career isn’t queen material.”

“It’s not your thing,” Darcy assured her. “You’d be bored stiff within a week and ready to kill someone within two.”

They sat for a few minutes, lost in thought.

“Thor’s a virgin?”

“Yep.”

“Damn. I think I’m going to go back to the van and wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night. Want me to call you a cab or something?”

Darcy fumbled for her phone and fiddled with it briefly. “Loki’ll be here to get me in a few minutes. You will come to the wedding, right?”

The older woman stood up and walked around the table until she could hug her friend. “Of course. Just let me know plenty of time in advance so I can get the time off, and maybe find you a decent gift.”

“You can help me write the ‘you’re not invited’ letters to my folks. That’ll be a great gift. Oh, and if you’re going to break it off with Thor, don’t do it right before or right at the wedding, okay?”

“I promise. I need to think about it a lot before I do anything.”

“Don’t be angry with him? You know how bad he is at thinking.”

Jane sniggered.

“I mean that he’s bad at realizing there might be cultural differences between Asgard and Earth! It probably never occurred to him that Earth men don’t guard their virginity like it’s a matter of life and death.”

“You’re probably right,” she sighed as she slumped back into her chair. A moment later, she looked up hopefully. “Just how creative does Loki get? I mean…how creative do you think Thor could get?”

The slow, wicked smile that spread across Darcy’s face just before Loki walked in was surprisingly comforting.

“You’re really going to marry him?” Pepper peered intently across the table at Darcy. “You’re not worried about becoming the next Lois Lane?”

“What, you mean painting a big target on my back for creepy bad guys wanting to get at Loki or the Avengers through me?” The brunette shrugged. “Nope.”

Pepper stirred her drink. “Why not?”

“Do you know how dangerous it is to have Loki as an enemy?”

“I saw the damage reports. Tony told me all about how he infiltrated-”

Darcy shook her head. “No. You don’t know, because the only stories you’ve heard are from people he wasn’t trying to hurt. Even before he came out as an ally, Loki did his best to terrorize and hamstring as many of the bad guys out there as he could. They all know how dark and scary he can be. None of them are going to risk that.” She tossed back her drink to hide a smirk. “I’m probably one of the safest people on the planet.”

Pepper stared at her. “Okay, I know you know him better than anyone else, but even with the whole Chitauri thing, I can’t see him being that scary.”

“Loki engineered a series of events that ended a war before it got started and strengthened Asgard.” Darcy crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward. “He lied to his brother, he attempted fratricide, he alienated their friends, he induced treason in their friends and a loyal servant of the realm, and plotted regicide only to commit patricide when Thor didn’t show up on time to do it. Then he declared his intent to commit genocide and basically threw himself into a wormhole to prevent civil war.” She paused to let that sink in. “Did I mention this came on the heels of the revelation that he was adopted, and his birth father was the king of the race Thor had just incited war with, and this all took place in a seventy-two hour timespan?”

“He stopped a war in seventy-two hours.”

“By tricking their king, his birth father, into coming into Asgard under the pretense of letting him kill Odin. And in the meantime, he emotionally broke Thor and forced him into a situation where he would have to sacrifice himself to save innocents, which he did, and in doing so became worthy of his powers again. Loki was willing to sacrifice his brother’s love for him, his people’s respect for him, his honor, his only shot at ever reconciling with his birth father, his position, and his life. All to fix his brother’s mistake and keep his home and the man who’d raised and lied to him his entire life safe.” Darcy leaned back. “See, the reason the Lois Lane thing works with other superheroes, is that other superheroes have never been pushed to the limits to see what they would really do when the chips are down. They’re good guys deep down, they don’t want innocents getting hurt, and they hesitate because they don’t know if they could live with themselves knowing they let a bus full of nuns and orphaned kids drown just to save their main squeeze.”

Pepper nodded, uncertain.

Darcy grinned, radiating smug. “Loki’s not like that. He knows exactly what his priorities are, and what he is willing and capable of, and he’s not afraid to do what needs to be done. If anyone is stupid enough to kidnap me, Loki will make sure that their base is in ashes, their corpse is in pieces, and any surviving minions need a lifetime of therapy. And I will be perfectly unharmed and back in time for breakfast.” One eyebrow raised. “You didn’t think we set the date so far in advance just for planning the ceremony, did you?”

“You’re saying Loki is…what, pre-emptively terrorizing the bad guys so they don’t try anything stupid?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. That kind of makes me nervous, I can’t lie.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Darcy said with a grin. “You’re plenty safe because Tony is Loki’s Eternal Companion, and you’re precious to Tony.”

“Ah,” Pepper said noncommittally. “This must be what it feels like to be Clarice.”

Darcy snorted. “Clarice was an idiot to be afraid of Hannibal Lector. She had a brilliant, cultured, wealthy, sensitive man who adored her and protected her, and she was afraid of him just because he was willing to kill and didn’t show remorse for it. If I had a guy pointing a knife at me, I’d much rather my companion be willing to kill for my safety than be stabbed to death while my companion wrestles with the issue of taking human life.”

“I can’t argue with that. So, I take it he’s already making plans for the worst?”

“The engagement ring is spelled to not come off, and to set off all kinds of magical protections if anything happens. We’re discussing a bracelet or something that will teleport me to Asgard so he can go postal without having to worry about catching me in the backlash.”

Pepper motioned for another round of drinks. “Still, you have to know that someone’s going to try something eventually.”

To her companion’s surprise, Darcy grinned. “I know. I can’t wait.”

 

Loki motioned, and the mirror blanked out. The scene at the bar was replaced by his own grinning reflection. What less could be expected from the woman who’d been so bold as to attack the Son of Odin with a taser?

 

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

These new posts are fantastic; I am a very happy reader. I hope you do not mind that I am about to pimp these fics to readers of Coneycat's Housemates series.
I remain, as always, a reader greedy for more.

[moonshadows]

Pimp away! I leave these public so that anyone interested can read them. Except for the hidden secret crack!porn I sometimes write as birthday gifts.

While I'm thrilled you enjoy my writing, I can't promise anything new from Loki (or anyone else) for a while; all the muses seem to have gone AWOL. I can tell you that Loki becomes a very visible, very vocal supporter of gay marriage and all kinds of gender-identity rights - something Thor backs him on when he's in town - and that ...oh. Wait. I never posted that bit because it's just a fragment. I guess I should do that, huh? I'll see if I can do that this week.

I'm just going to sit here going 'o.o People actually read this?' and then go get some dinner and check out the Housemates series.