Tired Jack - New leaves

[moonshadows]

It took Jack a few days to settle in enough to feel bored. Adjusting to being around Gabriel again was most of it, and the flirty-but-not-too-flirty balance they worked out together. Sparring, working out, going for runs - that aspect was a welcome change from his vagabond life, as was having a kitchen to cook in. They spent the evenings playing video games or watching movies, and while Jack didn't always go to bed with Gabriel cuddled up to him, that's inevitably how he woke.

Neither of them talked about what had happened since just before the explosion.

Angela Ziegler had - reluctantly - released both of them on the conditions that they stayed in town and returned after a week for a check-in, and the thought of facing her was making Jack quiet and withdrawn as he and Gabriel prepared for bed. Pajamas, he thought as he picked up the pajama top, were a welcome re-addition to his life. They'd negotiated a compromise with regards to what was or was not acceptable for wearing to bed. Gabriel had conceded to wearing pajama bottoms to bed rather than his usual nothing, whereas Jack was more comfortable in top and bottom, although his half of their compromise was that he wore nothing underneath the bottoms.

"Jack?"

He shook himself, wondering how long he'd been staring at the pajama top. "Hmm? Oh, just thinking about our check-in tomorrow."

Gabriel looked at him in sympathy. "Not looking forward to what Angela may or may not ask?"

Jack sighed. "Yeah."

"Need a distraction?"

Something to keep his thoughts out of dark spirals. He sighed again. "Yeah."

Gabriel kissed him.

This wasn't a quick peck or a chaste application of lips. Jack was being kissed, and it was a good thing Gabriel had his arms around him because Jack's knees gave out and he found himself sitting on the edge of the bed watching Gabe's half-lidded gaze as he withdrew from the kiss. His heart pounded, the entire contents of his brain evenly split between yes yes yes and utter terror. This wasn't...

"Gabe..."

Gabriel took Jack's hand and brought it to the front of his pajamas, let him feel the hardness under the cloth.

Jack burst into tears. The mattress sank beside him and then he was being held, his head resting on Gabriel's chest as he cried, Gabriel rocking him gently and murmuring reassurance.

"Jack, Jack, it's okay. Breathe. I'm right here. I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay, Jack, You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you. It's okay, Jack. We won't do anything you're not comfortable with. Breathe. I've got you, you're safe."

"Gabe..."

"I'm here, Jack." One hand rubbed his back soothingly. "What is it?"

"You..." Jack's throat closed up again. He wasn't even sure what words were being choked back.

"You sexy thang?" Gabriel joked softly. Jack choked out a brief chuckle, and Gabriel kissed the top of his head. "It's okay, Jack. you don't have to talk if you don't want to."

Jack lifted his head from Gabriel's chest to his shoulder, the familiar position soothing him a little. They sat there in silence, rocking slightly and listening to Jack's ragged breathing slowly calm down.

"You wanted...?" he whispered into Gabriel's neck.

"Yeah. I wanted to kiss you, you sexy thang."

That both made Jack laugh and shed a handful more tears. "I guess that answers why," he said dryly.

"I was hoping for an emotional reaction, but this wasn't the one I was thinking of." Gabriel hugged Jack tighter. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. And don't apologize," he added firmly as Jack opened his mouth to do just that. "Just tell me what you want me to do."

Another few minutes of gently-rocking silence passed while Jack tried to think about Gabriel wanting to kiss him. His thoughts kept shredding into spirals of keening denial.

"Je ne sais pas," he whispered.

Gabriel froze. "Jack," he said in a strangled voice, "that's French."

Jack stuck his arm out. After a moment, Gabriel leaned awkwardly over to lay a row of slow, gentle kisses from Jack's wrist up to his shoulder. Then he hugged Jack tightly.

"Want me to go slow?" he whispered. Jack nodded awkwardly. "Okay. We'll go slow. I don't want to hurt you. We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?"

Jack nodded again.

"Okay. I won't do anything else tonight. Anything you want to do to me, do it. Okay?"

Briefly, Jack lipped at Gabriel's neck, but the strangled moan that got made his pulse race unhappily again and he stopped. "Just hold me," he whispered.

They went to bed with Jack as the little spoon.

=

Jack woke up alone in the bed with the shower running. Before he could brood about how alone that made him feel, the shower shut off.

A minute later, Gabriel left the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and stopped dead at the sight of the empty bed. Then Jack's arms slid around him from behind, his cheek nestled against the back of Gabriel's neck, and he relaxed.

"Good morning to you, too," he said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

Sulkily, Jack hugged tighter and made a quiet, unhappy sound.

"You want a hug?"

Jack's grip on him loosened; he turned around and hugged Jack tightly. It was a handful of minutes before Jack sighed and stepped back.

"Missed our morning cuddling?" Gabriel asked lightly. That got him a scowl and an insincere punch to the shoulder, which made him laugh and pull Jack in for another hug. "I promised I'd go slow," he murmured, "so I took a shower. You know me, Jack."

Now that he was thinking rather than feeling, Jack felt a bit sheepish. Spending a week in close proximity to someone he was physically attracted to and had a habit of jokingly flirting with would have Gabriel at the boiling point.

"Yeah," he murmured, stepping back. "You get dressed, I'll start on breakfast."

Gabriel nodded, and Jack went to the kitchen to discover that Gabe had started the coffee before his shower. He got out the usual ingredients and poured both of their mugs, and when Gabriel wandered in wearing a t-shirt and jeans, Jack offered him his mug and then leaned over it to kiss him briefly. They both froze, Gabriel looking torn between fear for Jack and wanting to put the mug aside and just take him on the counter. Having made an overture that couldn't be mistaken for just their usual joking and have it not be rejected made Jack both blush and grin in delight. He turned away, as if that would prevent Gabriel from seeing anything, and pulled the skillet down from its hook.

"I did some thinking," Gabriel said, leaning against the counter as Jack got started. "Let me know how this sounds for me going slow. No touching the butt, no going in the undies, no kissing above the neck, no hickeys."

"That sounds reasonable," Jack said, still blushing. "And I can..."

"Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. I do have one request."

Jack looked over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"If you need to jerk it, let me at least watch?"

The thought of Gabriel watching, seeing, knowing how much Jack wanted him made him freeze. Then warm arms wrapped around his torso and Gabriel was kissing his shoulder through the fabric of his pajamas.

"Jack, come back to me. It's okay. You can say no."

"But..."

"You can say no. Damn it, Morrison, you're allowed to have boundaries!"

Jack put down the wooden spoon and pressed one hand to Gabriel's. "I don't want to shut you out," he said quietly.

"You're not. I promise. Jack, I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. If you don't want me to do something, then tell me." Gabriel waited for a minute, but Jack didn't say anything. "Damn it, Morrison! If I were stepping on your foot, would you tell me and ask me to stop?"

"Yes, but-"

"But nothing! I'd be hurting you, damaging you. If I'm doing something you don't want me to do, then I'm stepping on your emotional foot and you need to tell me to stop."

Jack put down the egg he'd been holding and pressed his other hand to Gabriel's. "Okay."

Gabriel hugged him tighter before letting go. "Good. Jesus fuck, Jack, I want to bitchslap every adult in your hometown."

"I can think of better things for you to do with your hands," Jack countered, picking up the egg again.

There was a beat or two before what he'd said sank in to both of them, and then Jack blushed while Gabriel laughed.

"I would have been content to watch," he teased, "but if you want me to get personally involved, just say the word."

"We'll see," Jack said, but secretly, he knew he would.

===

"You're looking much better," Angela Ziegler said warmly.

Jack gave her a lopsided smile. "I feel much better."

"I feared for the worst when I saw your...message," she said hesitantly. "Gabriel was adamant that you did not mean you intended to kill yourself, but..."

He looked away. "I saw him die."

"I hesitate to ask," she said, asking anyway, "but how did you come to be in the middle of the Russian countryside with him?"

"Was tailing Talon," he answered shortly. "One of their ships got clipped on the way out; his beacon went off shortly after. I didn't ask why they had him."

Ziegler flinched minutely, then gave him a warm smile. "Well, I commend your rescue efforts. I doubt he would have survived without your excellent care."

He shrugged. The silence stretched uncomfortably.

"I don't know if you're aware, Jack, but you were never declared legally dead. You could-"

"Could what?" he asked with quiet venom. "I saw the news. I know about the Petras Act. What could Jack Morrison do that wouldn't be Overwatch activity?"

"My Valkyries could use someone to watch their backs when they go into dangerous areas in search of lives to save," Ziegler said evenly. "If there is anyone I would rather have protecting them than you, it would be Gabriel."

"Hypocritical to have a soldier along, isn't it? To kill so that other lives can be saved?"

Ziegler straightened primly. "Who ever said you would be killing? Your weapons would be biotic darts that induce sleep."

Sleep darts. He supposed that made sense.

"I asked Gabriel, but he refused unless you also agreed to it."

She...asked Gabriel? But she hadn't been alone with him at all after she'd picked them up in Russia. Had they talked after...whatever she'd done to resurrect him?

Had they talked while he was going as Reaper?

Jack looked at Angela, weighing her with his eyes. "I'll discuss it with him. We'll get back to you."

She smiled. "That is all I ask. Now, let us see how your body has fared."

=

Gabriel kept shooting worried looks at him as he drove them back, which let Jack know that he wasn't dealing with things nearly as well as he thought he was. When Gabriel pulled into a drive-through and got him a strawberry-chocolate milkshake, he accepted it with a thank-you kiss on Gabriel's cheek.

"Want to talk about it?" Gabriel asked quietly as they pulled away.

Jack sipped his milkshake, feeling the sweet flavors soothe him slightly. "Angela wants us to protect her first-responders with sleep darts."

"Up to you," Gabriel said immediately.

"I told her we'd talk about it."

"Then we'll talk about it, but Jack...whatever you decide to do, I'm not only going to support you but be there with you. You gave me your hand, remember?"

Jack looked at him, haunted by the memory of threatened marriage in the name of pizza, and saw the sternly-concerned expression of his CO on Gabriel's face. This wasn't flirting, even in jest. This was the echo of the first adult Jack had trusted to give a fuck about him, the man who'd pretended it was just routine but had quietly taken one country boy under his hard-ass wing. The man who'd sat him down countless times for comfort food and a supportive ear. The man who Jack trusted with his life.

He gave Gabriel a small nod. "Thank you."

Gabriel smiled in relief. "Good. Drink your shake."

"Yes, sir," Jack answered with a smile of his own.

=

The home gym in the spare bedroom was everything Jack had expected Gabriel to make it, including usable by two people at once. They went from station to station, Jack giving Gabriel brief kisses as they passed each other, burying his blush in sweat and burning off the adrenaline that accompanied each one with physical exertion. By the time they stopped for showers and lunch, Jack was feeling much more comfortable with the simple act of kissing. Granted, Gabriel's smoldering looks of hunger helped reassure decades-old anxiety that it was mistaken, and Jack's advances were not only tolerated but welcome.

Maybe it was time, Jack thought as he showered in the master bath, to thank Gabe for putting up with his teasing during their workout.

He toweled off and stood beside the bedroom door, waiting for Gabriel to enter in search of clothes after having showered in the other bathroom. Sure enough, the other man padded in wearing nothing but damp skin and hesitated when he saw the empty room and open bathroom door. Jack slid his arms around Gabriel's torso, feeling him relax and then stiffen as it sunk in that Jack wasn't wearing anything, either.

"Jack..."

"I'm not ready to go all the way again yet," Jack said in a low voice that only shook a little. "But I want to go a little further. Maybe get hands-on."

Gabriel's hands covered his. "Okay. Tell me what you want me to do."

Jack pressed his lips to Gabriel's shoulder, swallowing a flutter of fear. "Last night, you kissed me like you were starving, drowning, dying. I want you to kiss me like that again."

"Fuck, Jack," Gabriel breathed.

Butterflies in his belly, Jack loosened his grip and Gabriel turned in his arms, returned the embrace, and began kissing Jack the way he'd been dreaming of for far longer than he wanted to think about. Not that he could think in the face of that passion; Jack could barely stand, but it didn't make a difference because Gabriel was holding him up, pressing their bodies together, urging Jack back step by step until they bumped into the side of the bed. Jack sat abruptly, then scooted back and lay down with his arms outstretched in an invitation that Gabriel took gladly, crawling onto the bed to hold himself just off of Jack's body as he resumed kissing fiercely, desperately, like he could express the depths of his feelings with his mouth.

Feelings.

"Stop," Jack gasped.

Instantly, Gabriel froze.

Jack hugged him tightly, eyes closed and face pressed against his neck, letting the panic that hadn't fully been awakened slide back into sleep.

"Too much?" Gabe asked softly.

Answering that honestly would raise questions Jack didn't want to answer. "Spoon me," he murmured instead, loosening his desperate grip.

With Gabriel warm against his back - and more importantly, unable to see Jack's expression - he felt much more secure. Biting his lip against anxiety he knew was dumb, he covered Gabriel's hand with his. Then he started urging that hand lower, practically holding his breath when Gabe guessed his intent and tensed.

"Jack," he murmured as his fingers brushed sensitive skin, "you're sure you want me to do this?"

Firmly, Jack wrapped Gabriel's fingers around his stiffening manhood and then released his hand. Against his back, he could feel Gabriel's arousal. He moaned against Jack's neck, but didn't say anything else as his fingers tightened and he started stroking. Jack closed his eyes and relaxed, letting the gentle motions stoke a fire as they sped up. One thing was certain; Gabriel Reyes knew how to handle a penis. Jack's breathing sped up to match, interspersed with soft sounds of appreciation for what was happening in Gabriel's fist and quietly begging for more. Gabriel was breathing more harshly as well, Jack's pleasure working him up.

When Jack came, it felt like the fulfillment of every fantasy he'd ever had back before the SEP and only the complete inability to think or move prevented him from telling Gabe how much he loved him. The most he could manage was a deep, satisfied groaning sigh as he rolled onto his back. From beside him, Gabriel let out the same sigh.

Jack frowned through his afterglow and turned to see Gabriel's hand fall from his own dick.

"Gabe?" he asked softly.

"Mmm. Sorry if you wanted to do that yourself," he murmured.

"It's fine."

Jack rolled the other way, sliding under Gabriel's arm to use his chest as a pillow, listening to the soft thump-thump of his heart. Lazily, Gabriel draped his arm around Jack, and they lay there contentedly for a handful of minutes.

"Thanks for letting me do that," Gabriel said quietly into the silence.

"Thanks for putting up with me," Jack countered.

The arm around him tightened. "It's not putting up with you, dumbass," Gabriel growled. "I told you: I don't want to hurt you. We do things at your pace because I'm the asshole who fucked things up."

He was angry at himself, and Jack could not for the life of him think of what he was talking about when he supposedly fucked things up, so he draped one arm over Gabriel's chest in a half-hug. After a minute, Gabriel heaved an aggravated sigh.

"Damn it, I want to stay in bed with you but I'm hungry."

Jack chuckled. "You could stay in bed while I cook, but that's not really the same."

"Nope."

"I could cook in just an apron again."

"Done," Gabriel said instantly. "But if it's the one that says Kiss the cook, we may not get much cooking done."

Their usual sexually-charged banter made Jack feel light and happy with an undercurrent of thrill because he knew that it wasn't just banter; Gabriel was attracted to him, and welcomed sexual advances. If only-

Jack cut the thought short and grinned down at Gabriel as he sat up. What he had now was enough for the moment.

===

Gabriel had always been an eager observer any time Jack made pizza - 'watching the master at work' he said when asked - and this process generally involved spontaneous hugs, draping over Jack's shoulder, twirling him around, and slow-dancing with him from behind. But now that they were, uh, friends with benefits, the process also involved Jack momentarily knocking Gabriel off-balance by kissing him. It was terrifying and exhilarating for Jack, being an equal participant rather than just having overtures made to him. Being able to flirt this way and know that if he was too bold, his attraction wouldn't be laughed off.

Once the pizza was in the oven, Gabriel tried to sweep Jack into a proper waltz or tango but quickly used a twirl to turn Jack around and embrace him from behind while they both swayed gently, his chin on Jack's shoulder, cheek to cheek.

"Better?" he murmured as Jack relaxed against him.

"Yeah. I'm so-"

"Shhh. None of that. You don't have to apologize. You're not comfortable with doing some things face to face, it's fine. We can do this. It's still dancing, I still get to hold you, but you're not pushing yourself."

Jack leaned back slightly, pressing his cheek against Gabe's. "Thank you."

"You're thanking me with pizza," Gabe joked. "I'm the one that's in your debt. If you want me to thank you in a more hands-on manner later, just say the word."

That made Jack blush. Would he be so bold? Could he bring himself to ask for a handjob?

Probably not.

=

Gabriel sighed in deep satisfaction, both hands on his stomach. The sound, as always, went straight to Jack's loins. He glanced at Gabriel, wanting to see the expression of devotion, of worship, that accompanied the post-pizza groan, and instead found himself looking at a man staring at him in guilty remorse.

A second later, it sank in.

There wouldn't be a mock-threat this time.

Jack had panicked last time, when Gabriel suggested they make it official. He'd claimed he was drunk, something Jack chose to believe because he couldn't handle the alternative, but he knew he'd crossed a line and made Jack uncomfortable. He wouldn't risk that again. He was breaking their pattern because he didn't want to upset Jack.

That hurt.

For the first time in close to forty years, Gabriel wasn't proposing marriage after pizza. Not because the pizza was sub-par, but because Jack couldn't handle the possibility of Gabriel meaning what he said. Their pattern was broken because of him. It was his fault.

Jack threw himself across the couch to hug Gabriel tightly, clinging to the startled man and struggling to keep his breathing steady, to find something - anything - that would communicate what he was feeling. He wanted that joking proposal, wanted that shard of intimacy, wanted to feel wanted, and being the cause of their broken pattern was almost physically painful.

I want you to marry me for my pizza.

The words stuck in his throat, choking him because what if it was a joke after all? Gabriel knew how he felt, had to know. He wouldn't...he wouldn't...

It's not like I'm upfront about my feelings.

Oh god, what if it wasn't a joke? What if he wanted...wanted, all this time, and Jack had been laughing it off?

Jack buried his face in Gabriel's shoulder and shuddered. It was a handful of minutes before he dared lift his head and face Gabriel's worried expression. The light kiss he pressed to Gabriel's lips didn't reassure him any.

"Jack, are you okay?"

He looked away, unsure if he was or wasn't.

"Time for dessert," Gabriel announced firmly. "Stay there. I'll be right back."

Jack stayed there, guilt curdling in his belly, barely looking up as Gabriel reclaimed his place on the couch and pulled Jack in to lean against him. Jack sipped strawberry daiquiri slush and let Gabe feed him cheesecake with strawberries and buried his spiraling thoughts under the fact that Gabriel cared this much.

When he turned his head and kissed Gabriel, Gabe kissed back.

Somehow, in the absent-minded scramble to find more comfortable positions without breaking the kiss, Gabriel wound up with his head on the arm of the couch and his legs between Jack's, while Jack straddled him with his arms braced on either side of Gabriel's head and Gabriel's arms wrapped around his torso, urging him closer.

Jack pushed himself up further, breaking the kiss, in a moment of astonishment that he was actually doing this. Gabriel made a sound of wordless, begging protest that Jack had stopped kissing him, eyes closed and cheeks flushed, lips slightly parted as if inviting Jack's to return. The realization that Gabriel wanted him, really wanted him the way Jack had wanted Gabe for so long, took his breath away.

Gabriel licked his lips. "Jack...please..."

Uncertainty flooded Jack. "What...?"

"Anything," Gabe groaned. "Fuck, Jack. Anything you want to do."

His eyes were still closed. He couldn't see Jack's uncertain expression. Slowly, Jack lowered his head, giving Gabe a breath of warning before he resumed their kiss. Gabriel groaned into his mouth, arms tight around his torso, hips thrusting upward, but he followed Jack's lead. After a minute or two, Jack broke the kiss again to experiment with kissing Gabriel's jaw, throat, and the side of his neck, and Gabe lay obediently beneath him, eyes closed, gasping and letting out breathy moans to show his appreciation. It was getting harder to ignore the insistent ache in his cock, long since rock-hard.

"Gabe," he gasped, using the back of the couch to haul himself into an upright position and then something closer to standing, one foot on the floor, preparing for the short journey to the bedroom.

Gabriel opened his eyes and gave Jack a look as desperate as Jack felt. "Say the word," he growled breathlessly as he scrambled to kneel on the couch.

It took all of Jack's concentration to hiss a single syllable. "Yes."

Then Jack was being kissed again, frantically, hungrily, and he let Gabriel push him gently down until he was laying on the couch with his head on the arm. One hand by Jack's head held Gabriel up while the other fumbled at his pants - both of their pants? - and then Jack was gasping because the mouth he had been kissing was gone, only to reappear around the head of his penis. His eyes rolled back as Gabriel did something with his tongue and then moaned, the sound vibrating into sensitive flesh. Sensations softer, gentler, more insistent than anything he'd experienced, pleasure warmer and brighter than what he'd gotten from Gabriel's fist washed over him and he opened his mouth to - he wasn't sure what, thought was beyond him, there was only the electric thrill of Gabriel's mouth, and then there was a silent explosion of glory that made Jack cease to exist.

When Jack was able to scrape his brain back together again, he found himself cradled in Gabriel's arms, his head on Gabriel's shoulder.

"Mmmm. What...?"

"I popped your cherry," Gabe murmured smugly.

"You did that years ago," Jack countered lazily.

"Yeah, but I never sucked you off. And if I didn't do it, I'm damn sure no one else did it, so..." Gabriel hugged him tighter.

Jack turned his head and laid a kiss on Gabriel's jaw. "It was amazing."

"Mmmm. Hearing you was amazing. I thought I was going to cream myself just from that."

That made Jack blush. He opened his mouth to say I'd let you marry me for that but reconsidered. "You're very welcome for the pizza," he said instead, nestling down comfortably into Gabe's arms. "And you can kiss me above the neck."

Gabe turned his head and kissed Jack's temple gently.

I love you, Jack wanted to say, but the moment was too perfect.

===

"It's been a week," Gabe said from the table as Jack slid the tray of biscuits into the oven. "Do you want to talk about Angela's suggestion?"

Jack sighed and set the timer. "Not really, but we should."

Gabriel looked at him in concern as he sat down. "Talk to me, Jack."

He scrubbed his hands down his face, willing words to line neatly up and explain what was a jumbled mess in his head. They didn't cooperate.

"I don't know. It would be doing something useful, something worthwhile. Helping others. Saving lives. Contributing to the world, doing my part to help clean up the mess left in the wake of Overwatch's..."

Gabriel held his tongue, but he looked like he had plenty of suggestions.

"...disbanding," Jack said finally.

"Buuuut?"

"But I devoted so much of my life to Overwatch...doing something else feels like rolling over and giving up without a fight."

"Because of the Petras Act," Gabriel said.

Jack glowered at the table. "I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I've been the face of Overwatch since the beginning. It's like saying Oh no, Jack, we like YOU just fine! It's only everything you've done for the world that we think is a complete waste! It makes me want to say fine, you think everything I've done is a complete waste and you're better off without me, maybe I just won't do anything." Sulkily, he crossed his arms.

"The world's a bunch of ungrateful brats," Gabriel said calmly. "They don't deserve you anyway. Or the miracle of your pizza."

That made Jack smile, just a little. "You only love me for my pizza," he complained teasingly.

Gabriel grinned. "That's not true! ...I also love you for your biscuits."

Laughing, Jack shook his head ruefully. Then a little voice whispered, what if he's telling the truth? and the thought that Gabriel could actually love him stole his breath like a fist to the gut.

"Jack? Jack! Morrison, look at me!"

Some instincts never fade. Jack's gaze snapped to Gabriel's and he almost barked out a sir, yes sir! He was getting the 'your CO is worried about you' look again.

"You focus on breakfast," Gabriel said firmly. "I'm going to tell Angela that she can take her suggestion and administer it to herself rectally. After breakfast, we'll go shopping, because I haven't had your cookies in way too long, and we need to make sure you still remember how to make them. Three or four batches ought to do it, wouldn't you say?"

Jack smiled faintly. "But what will we do with all the extras?"

"We could hold a bake sale," was the deadpan answer.

"Gabe! I'm not selling my food!"

He shrugged. "Then we'll find a soup kitchen or give them out at the library or something. Helping others doesn't have to be grand, heroic gestures. It can be as simple as a chocolate chip cookie."

Jack thought about that for a long minute. "I like that," he said as the timer went off.

"And I like your biscuits."

"You love my biscuits," Jack tossed over his shoulder as he grabbed potholders and opened the oven.

"Guilty as charged," Gabe admitted cheerfully.

Jack laughed.

===

They made four batches, Jack mixing and Gabriel in charge of getting the cookies on and off the trays, in and out of the oven. In the end, only three batches wound up paired off in a mountain of little ziplock bags. The fourth (with the exception of two or three) wound up inside Gabriel. The effect on their weekly pizza was unprecedented: Jack ate his half of the pizza, but Gabriel was full after two slices. He stared mournfully at the third slice, sitting on his plate in solitary splendor.

"You don't have to eat it, Gabe."

"Blasphemy," Gabriel shot back. "I'm not letting your pizza go to waste. Just...give me a minute to digest."

"I still have room," Jack said as Gabe took several deep breaths.

"But then you wouldn't have room for dessert," he pointed out. "And I really, really want to eat your pizza."

Jack blushed. Gabriel glanced at him, pizza slice halfway to his mouth, and laughed.

"I wasn't even going there! ...for once. But I'm glad I made such a good impression."

While Jack blushed harder, Gabriel ate, one hand on his stomach. When the last bite of crust was gone he belched and let out the groan that did nothing to keep Jack's thoughts out of the gutter. Then he leaned over and laid his head in Jack's lap, shifting until he was sprawled comfortably with his feet over the arm.

"You okay, Gabe?" Jack asked softly.

"Aside from being a complete pig?" he answered dryly. "I should have let you eat it. But it tasted so good," he whined.

Jack took his hand and squeezed reassuringly. "There, there. You'll be fine."

Eyes closed, Gabriel sighed. "Thank you for putting up with me. I know I'm an asshole."

"Compared to my dad..."

"Morrison, no, don't you dare."

"...you're an angel."

Gabriel covered his face with his other hand, groaning at the old joke he probably wished Jack hadn't remembered while Jack laughed quietly. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence, Jack running his thumb over the knuckles of the hand he was holding.

"You know," Jack said quietly, "every time you do this it makes me want to pet your hair, only you don't have any."

"Good argument," Gabriel murmured. "I'll stop shaving it."

"I didn't-" I didn't mean to criticize you. "You don't have to..." You don't have to change, I love you the way you are.

Gabriel opened his eyes and grinned up at Jack. "What, and miss an opportunity for you to put your hands all over me?" He laughed as Jack blushed, reaching up with his free hand to cup Jack's cheek. "You're cute."

Blushing harder, Jack turned his head and kissed Gabriel's palm, then went a little higher and kissed the underside of his fingers, then got the tip of one fingers between his lips and sucked gently. Gabriel's breath caught. When Jack glanced down at him, the sight of Gabriel Reyes blushing and looking like a starstruck teenage girl made him forget everything else. He drank that look in like it was the source of Life Everlasting.

"I don't regret eating as much of your food as I did," Gabriel said in a tone of awe, "but I regret not being able to kiss that look on your face right now."

Jack turned his head and kissed Gabriel's palm again. "I'll give you a rain check."

===

Jack's third week living with Gabriel started with them going around to the various places that provided food to those in need, dropping off several dozen cookies at each one. Gabriel introduced himself as "Michael King" (something that Jack struggled to not react to until they were back in the car) and when asked, said that Jack was his life-partner Daniel.

They visited the closest library last, at Jack's insistence, and gave cookies to the surprised and grateful librarians.

"I wintered in a small town," he told Gabriel as they drove back to the apartment. "They had a little library, run by a little old man who was too sick to do anything. I lived with him as a caretaker, but wound up tending to the library, too."

"How are you so nice, Jack?" Gabriel demanded. "I swear, you don't have a mean bone in your body."

"I did," Jack protested. "Once." He grinned. "It was yours."

Gabriel nearly drove off the road.

"Don't do that to me," he complained, eyes firmly on the road and breathing heavily.

Jack grinned. "That's not what I said."

"DAMN IT, JACK!"

The grin got wider. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?"

Gabriel's hands tightened around the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. "No," he uttered from between clenched teeth.

"Good...because that's what you said, and that's how I answered."

A strangled sound emerged from Gabriel's throat, his eyes distinctly wild.

"You have a rain check to cash," Jack added helpfully.

They drove in silence for a minute or two until they'd reached the apartment.

"Jack," Gabriel said hesitantly, his eyes still fixed straight ahead, his hands still clenched on the wheel. "You're sure you want this? I don't want to do anything you're not ready for."

He remembered having Gabe above him, the expression of wonder and devotion on his face, Jack's long-buried love reflected in his deep brown eyes. Or at least, he'd thought that was what he was seeing, but-

I lied. The answer was yes.

He shuddered away from the implications, years of reminding himself that he was wrong making him terrified of being wrong again. Better to turn a blind eye.

"I want it," he said quietly. "Just not..."

"Not face-to-face?" Gabriel asked in an equally low voice.

"Yeah."

Gabriel leaned over and kissed Jack's shoulder. "Okay."

=

Jack lay in bed with Gabriel curled around him from behind, both of them loose and relaxed, their bodies flooded with afterglow. He tugged one of Gabriel's hands up to kiss lazily, heard an indistinct murmur from the face pressed against the back of his neck, and smiled. It was easy to pretend, like this, that they were truly lovers instead of friends with benefits. That they were husbands instead of work-husbands, that if Jack murmured 'I love you', he'd hear Gabe murmur it back.

It took him a minute to realize that the hand he wasn't holding was playing with his dog tags. Specifically his dog tag, fingers caressing the JACK MORRISON imprinted into the metal. He trembled slightly, and Gabriel shifted to press a kiss against his shoulder.

"I saw them while you were sleeping," Gabriel said softly. "I'm sorry I lied. I wasn't expecting to see my name, and I reacted badly."

Jack pulled Gabriel's other hand up to kiss again. "I forgive you."

A pause, and then Gabriel chucked. "Of course you do, because the only mean bone in your body is mine."

"I'm fine with that."

Gabriel froze. "Do I have any bones in my body that aren't mean?" he asked.

"Plenty." Jack kissed his hand again. "I know you like to pretend that you don't, but we both know that if you were a complete asshole, I never would have put up with your joking around, much less actively participated and encouraged it."

Slowly, Gabriel relaxed and chuckled. "I think Ana would have skinned me alive without you," he said.

The hand holding Gabriel's tightened. "Let's...not talk about her," Jack said in a voice that trembled.

Gabriel hugged him tighter. "It wasn't your fault."

"It still hurts," he whispered. The wrappings around that wound were coming loose; he tried to tighten them.

"Jack..."

Kisses on his shoulder, his neck. He was being rolled onto his back, kisses on his jaw, his temple, Gabriel's worried eyes looming over him.

"I'm having lunch delivered," Gabriel announced decisively. "You are going to sit on the couch, bundled in blankets, and drink strawberry daiquiris until you have trouble thinking straight, and then I'm going to feed you. You're still my friend, still my work husband, still my soldier and I'm going to take fucking care of you, got it?"

Jack wrapped his arms around Gabriel, pulling him down to bury his face in Gabriel's shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered.

Gabriel kissed the top of his head. "I'm here for you, Jack. Always. And I owe you my life how many times over?"

"I wasn't keeping track," Jack said, his voice muffled.

"Neither was I. Guess you're stuck with me until death do us part."

"I'm fine with that," Jack murmured before releasing his hold on Gabriel.

"Somehow, I thought you would be." He kissed Jack lightly. "Let's get you on the couch and get you liquored up. I'm thinking Indian for lunch."

That got his attention. "Lamb masala?"

Gabriel kissed him again. "Of course. Anything you want."

I want you, Jack thought. But he already had Gabriel in all the ways that mattered, right? He'd said it himself: Jack was stuck with him until death did they part. Resolutely, he walled away the impulse to say I love you. Gabe already knew it anyway.

===

It was easy to settle into a routine with Gabriel. Their old patterns, jokes and dares and flirting, came back like riding a bicycle. The difference was that now, if one of them wound the other up too much, they did something about it. Jack regained the level of physical fitness he'd lost during his time as a vagabond vigilante, and the neighborhood smiled and waved as "Michael" and "Daniel" ran past together. They baked and distributed cookies every week, although not on pizza day, and Gabriel kept his post-pizza reveling to that satisfied groan and then laying in Jack's lap while Jack stroked the peach fuzz on his head.

Gabriel seemed to be deliberately avoiding things that might lead to emotional vulnerability, from simply not using the word 'love' for anything other than Jack's cooking to keeping his eyes shut during foreplay and picking positions where their eyes wouldn't meet. Jack thought often about returning some of the favors Gabriel had lavished on him, or how it would feel to be the one doing the penetrating, but any time he gave the go-ahead for Gabriel to do anything, he inevitably took care of himself at the same time.

It was a surprise when they visited the library and there were pink and red paper hearts everywhere. Jack had walled away all thoughts of holidays while he was wandering, and never really paid attention to the date once he and Gabriel had started living together, but now it was February and Valentine's Day loomed a short two weeks away.

"Jack?" Gabriel said gently as they drove home.

"It's February," he answered, wincing internally at how dead his voice sounded even to himself.

Gabriel shot him a sympathetic look. "Valentine's Day."

"Yeah."

He felt like they were both acutely aware of the dog tags under his shirt as the silence stretched.

"Do you want..." Gabriel let the question limp off, unfinished.

"I want to do something special for you," Jack said in a low but firm voice.

Gabriel reached over and took Jack's hand. "You do something special for me every day. Sometimes two or three times a day."

"Biscuits and pizza aren't special," Jack protested.

"I beg to differ."

"I mean it, Gabe. I-" The words love you stuck in his throat. It was stupid. He should be able to say it. They both knew it. But he was afraid.

"I wouldn't say no to a fancy fucking chocolate cake," Gabriel said carefully.

Jack squeezed his hand while the unspoken I love you melted and drained back down, leaving him free to speak again. "Thank you."

There was a pause before Gabriel squeezed gently and said, "Do you want me to...?"

"I don't want you to think you have to do anything for me. I don't want you to do anything you wouldn't have done anyway."

Another gentle squeeze, and then Gabriel released Jack's hand. "Okay. Nothing I wouldn't have done anyway. You have my word."

"Thanks, Gabe." Jack smiled a little tiredly at him. "In fact...when we get home, I'm going to thank you in a more...concrete manner."

Gabriel's eyebrows arched, but he said nothing.

=

"On the bed," Jack said as the door closed behind them.

Again, Gabriel's eyebrows arched. "Yes, sir. And should I strip?"

"Down to your skin," Jack mock-ordered, grinning.

Gabriel grinned back. "Ooh, I like this already."

It took only moments for Gabriel to sprawl, naked, in the center of the king-sized bed.

"Now what?" he asked, but he didn't seem concerned with getting an answer because Jack was stripping, too.

Jack crawled onto the bed, straddling Gabriel's hips, and leaned down to tease his lips before initiating a long, sizzling kiss that had Gabriel's arms wrapped around his torso and his hips trying to grind up against Jack. When Jack pulled back, Gabe kept his eyes firmly shut, but he bit his lip briefly in a silent plea for more. Jack took a moment to admire that vulnerable expression before peppering his jaw and throat with kisses. Then it was back for round two, and Jack didn't let up until he was starting to ache for release.

"On your side," he growled, moving his weight off of Gabriel.

Gabe rolled over, eyes still closed and biting his lip again, and Jack shifted until he was pressed against Gabriel's back. He draped one arm over Gabriel's side, hand wandering lower until he found what he was looking for, his touch eliciting a gasp and moan that shot through him like muted lightning.

"Jack..."

"Do you want me to stop?" Jack asked, his breath on Gabriel's neck making the other man shiver.

"No. Please."

Jack started stroking, his lips and sometimes teeth grazing the skin of Gabriel's neck. The quiet, pleading sounds Gabriel was making had Jack struggling to not just grind against his ass. He'd never handled another man's dick before, but he did all the things he liked and tried to do the things he liked Gabriel doing, and the sounds Gabriel was making reassured him that he was doing a decent enough job. Then Gabe's breathing turned ragged and Jack redoubled his efforts, forcing his own need aside as Gabriel came in his hand, scrambling away enough to give him room to roll onto his back so Jack could drink in the post-orgasm expression on his face.

It felt like he had been staring at Gabe's expression for eternity before he could no longer ignore his own arousal, and Jack flopped onto his back to take care of himself. It didn't take long.

"Jack," Gabe murmured as he rolled laboriously over to cuddle up to him. "Mmm. Thank you."

"That was me thanking you."

"Mmm. You're welcome."

Jack laughed quietly. "If you weren't in such a rush to take care of things yourself, I'd do that more often."

"Point taken."

They cuddled for a handful of minutes, Gabriel kissing Jack's shoulder and collarbone while Jack kissed his temple and the top of his head. I love you crowded in the back of Jack's throat, but he swallowed the words.

===

Jack put Valentine's Day mostly out of his mind, with the exception of the fancy chocolate cake he'd be making. They spent a pleasant afternoon on the couch, looking at pictures and discussing recipes until Gabriel declared that he needed chocolate and came back with chocolate-covered strawberries, which they fed to each other. Cleaning up strawberry juice and chocolate crumbs necessitated removing clothes, and things got somewhat messier although neither of them minded.

Neither of them mentioned why Jack was going to be baking a torted chocolate cake with three chocolate creams, two icings, and chocolate shavings on top, and the cake itself more than accounted for any warm affection Gabriel was showing, so the next twelve days passed smoothly and pleasantly. Jack went to bed on the night of the twelfth basking in afterglow, curled up with his head on Gabriel's shoulder, and joyfully anticipating the baking he'd do in the morning. Final assembly would wait until the 14th, of course, but he could get everything ready for assembly tomorrow. They'd done the shopping for it after lunch. He'd get the devil's food cake started first, then work on the creams while it was baking...or cooling...and then...

Thoughts filled with chocolate and the look of delight Gabriel was sure to wear, Jack drifted off.

=

The morning of the 13th, Jack woke instantly with all the excitement of Christmas Day. He levered himself carefully up, laying a light kiss on Gabe's temple, and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. When he emerged, intending to start coffee and make breakfast as usual, he found a smiling Gabriel standing in his way, arms outstretched for a hug.

"Miss me?" he murmured teasingly into Gabriel's neck as they lingered in their traditional wake-up standing cuddle. Usually it was Jack seeking the comfort of Gabriel's arms before facing the day, with the other man being barely coherent until the coffee was ready.

"Got something I want to tell you," Gabe murmured back, his head on Jack's shoulder, "and I thought this would be the best way."

Jack firmly ignored the tiny voice crying out in fear that this would be something he didn't want to hear. "What is it?"

"Shh, it's a good thing," Gabriel soothed. "I just want to be sure we're both on the same page, because I don't think I managed to express it very well."

The tiny voice got a little louder. "Gabe?"

"You remember when I told you I lied, the answer was yes?"

The breath froze in Jack's throat and he couldn't answer.

"What I meant was...the answer is still yes. The answer has always been yes. I love you, Jack."

How long-

That was as far as Jack got before the words sank in and ripped the bandages off the widest, deepest wound he'd been holding shut since he was eighteen and firmly telling himself that he couldn't be in love with his CO. His knees gave out and he sagged, clinging to Gabriel, feeling the strong arms around him tighten, preventing him from just collapsing to weep on the floor because he was, he was crying the way he had never been allowed to after his mother died, the way he hadn't allowed himself to after hearing the news that his dad had finally gotten himself killed and took little Maddie with him, crying out half a lifetime of painful longing for the cocky, Hispanic Adonis who was always by his side but forever out of reach.

Dimly, he was aware of Gabriel half-lifting, half-dragging him onto the bed - their bed - and he pulled his arms and legs in, trying to shrink into as tight a ball as he could manage as if that would hold him together as he cried out what seemed to be everything inside him. His throat burned, his eyes ached, and a distant corner of his mind was mildly surprised he wasn't vomiting from the sheer force of repressed emotions being freed and dispelled at last.

He coughed, drew in a shuddering breath, and realized that his head was in Gabriel's lap, a hand stroking his hair while the other was clutched tightly in one of Jack's, his arms wrapped around one of Gabriel's crossed legs while Gabriel's voice murmured soothing reassurance and apology.

I love you, Jack.

It couldn't be true. Couldn't. Jack never got anything he really wanted, never got to keep anyone he loved. But Gabe had said it: the answer had always been yes, was still yes. He hadn't been wrong. He had seen love in Gabriel's eyes the night they spent together, in countless moments in all the years after that. Gabriel loved him. Gabriel loved him.

I'm going to marry you for your pizza. I love you for your biscuits. A thousand declarations of love, a thousand proposals buried under lighthearted joking. Morrison! Get over here, give me your hand. There, you gave me your hand, we're married now.

How long...how long was always?

Souvenir from our first date, Gabe said when anyone asked him about the moose skull. The moose that had charged their campsite on the first wilderness survival mission the military had sent them on. Gabriel had killed it, Jack had butchered it, and all of them had feasted the entire rest of the two weeks. That long? How could he have been so blind?

But then...Gabriel hadn't expected to see his name on Jack's dog tags. They were both blind. And he couldn't, wouldn't blame Gabriel for not saying anything until now, not when he'd been so reticent on the subject himself. But now...now...

Gabriel loved him.

Jack exhaled the last crumbs of lingering heartbreak and slipped into gentle sleep with I love you, Jack in his ears.

=

"Jack?" Gabriel said softly, concern in his voice.

He groaned. His head felt tight, his throat hurt, and his eyes and nose were gummy and crusted. What-

Gabriel loved him.

The breath he was in the process of sucking in nearly choked him.

"Jack!"

"Gabe..." Ugh, his voice sounded...well, as terrible as he felt.

"Are you okay? Can I help?"

He was still sprawled in Gabriel's lap, one hand held in Gabriel's. Gingerly, he straightened stiff fingers. "Tissue," he said in a pathetic growl.

Gabriel's lap shifted oddly as the man leaned back and stretched, but then he had a tissue pressed against his fingers. Carefully, he cleaned the gummy residue out of his eyes before wadding the tissue up and blowing his nose. Gabriel offered him a second tissue, and he accepted it gratefully to clean the crust off his nostrils.

"Are you okay?" Gabriel asked again, gently.

"Head hurts."

"I'm not surprised. You want hot, or cold or your throat?"

"Cold. Thank you."

Gingerly, Jack levered himself up enough for Gabe to scoot out from under him. Then he lay back down and felt lips on his temple.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

Jack chuckled weakly.

Gabriel returned a minute later with a glass of cold water and a painkiller. Jack sat up and swallowed the pill, sipped the water, and then leaned against Gabe as he sat beside him on the bed. The arm around his shoulders wasn't a surprise.

"I'm sorry, Jack."

"Sorry for what?" Jack sighed.

"Sorry I let you think..." Gabriel paused and pressed a kiss to the top of Jack's head. "Sorry I didn't man up and tell you how I felt. Before everything went to hell."

Jack closed his eyes. "I saw you die, Gabe. It almost killed me. I'm not sure I would have survived if I'd known that you..." His throat closed on the words.

"That I love you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I'm such an asshole, Jack. I don't know how you put up with me."

Jack smiled. "Because I love you."

The words vibrated in his raw throat. Beside him, Gabriel sucked in a sharp breath.

"Oh, Jack. Does that feel as good to say as it does to hear?"

"Probably," he answered, feeling a warmth in his chest that he'd only felt faint echoes of in the past. "Hard to say, though, because you said it first."

"I wanted to tell you, Jack, so many times. But I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't know if you would forgive me for lying to you. So I stayed quiet and hurt you anyway."

Jack opened his eyes and lifted his head to smile at Gabriel. "I forgive you."

Gabriel smiled back. "Because the only mean bone in your body is mine."

Suddenly, Jack realized that Gabe had been hinting at something, and he'd been too dense to get it.

"Gabe," he said hesitantly. "Do you...want another nice bone in your body?"

The look of guarded hope that got made him swallow a flutter of nervous excitement.

"Not right now," he added hurriedly. "We both need food. But...in general."

Gabe leaned forward and kissed Jack lightly. "Food first. Then we talk. I want to tell you all about the plans I have for tomorrow." At Jack's expression of dubious surprise, he grinned broadly. "Nothing I wouldn't have done anyway," he teased.

That got Jack grinning. "You sneaky bastard."

"Sneaky bastard who loves you," Gabriel corrected.

"You only love me for my biscuits," teased Jack.

"Lies. There's also your cookies, your ravioli, your pizza, and that cake you're making for me." He hesitated. "Can I go back to threatening to marry you for your pizza?"

It was Jack's turn to lean in for a gentle kiss. "As long as you keep laying in my lap."

"Good. Because I love you, and I love your pizza." Gabriel gave him a brief, guilty look. "Jack...you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you. If I'm stepping on your emotional feet, tell me. Okay?"

Jack leaned down to put the water glass on he floor and then stood, pulling Gabriel into a tight hug. "I promise," he murmured. "How do cinnamon rolls sound for breakfast?"

Gabriel laughed shakily. "God I love you."