Loki: Thor confrontation

[moonshadows]

The door banged open, then just as loudly rattled back into its frame. Thor, his face like a thundercloud, stood with feet apart and hands balled into fists. His armor was gone, his cape hung up, and Mjolnir did not hang from his side. Fury radiated from him like heat from a forge as he stalked, one deliberate step at a time, towards the figure clad in green and black slouched in a large chair before the fire pit.

“Loki…”

The movement of his eyes was all the reaction he got. Loki’s hair, dark from a bath, gleamed in the firelight and the scrapes that marred his pale skin had been cleaned, but somehow it only made him look like a corpse ready to be laid on its pyre.

“Face me, brother!”

The raw emotion roughening his voice scraped against his brother’s icy calm, and after a moment, Loki turned his head. Staring into the fire left his eyes pale and wide, and Thor felt that they looked into the depths of his bleeding heart.

“’No’?” Thor swallowed. “That’s it? ‘No’? No…clever excuses, no silver words? You just…” One hand gestured angrily at the walls. “You betray your people in the most vile ways imaginable, speak not a word in your own defense, and you get this? Sent to your room, as though your crimes were no more than the tantrums of a child. I disobeyed Father’s command once, once, and I was banished with my powers stripped from me, but you…” He shook his head. “Either you truly are the favored son, or you have found some way to fool Father.”

Loki turned back to the fire, so still that only the slight movements of his eyes and the gentle swell of his chest betrayed that he still lived. “Don’t be stupid,” he said quietly, voice as empty of emotion as his face. “You are Father’s favorite, you know that. You always have been. You were banished to teach you a lesson, which evidently worked very well.”

“So you found a way to fool our father, then.” Thor swallowed, struggling to hold back tears.

“Of course not. No one can fool Father, and it would be madness to try.” He lifted his head slightly, pale eyes meeting Thor’s. “I only had to fool you.”

“What?” Thor’s hands opened, then tightened around the back of an unoccupied chair. “Fool…me? Why, Loki? Why?”

“Because it was the only way you would listen.” The words slid out from between Loki’s lips like a surrender.

“You lied to me, brother?”

Still, curiously, there was no edge in the younger man’s voice. “You know very well that I did. I told you Father was dead. I told you Mother forbade your return.”

“What else, Loki? What other lies have sprung from your lips?”

Mildly, unconcerned by his brother’s furious demand, Loki rested his gaze on the strong hands that clenched restlessly on innocent wood. “I know you better than you know yourself, but it seems you do not know me at all. Are you going to strike me, brother? If so, you may as well get it over with.”

“I’m not going to hit you,” Thor ground out reluctantly. “As much as I want to, as much as you deserve it, you are my brother and I will not strike you. Just tell me why, Loki.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific,” he replied distantly, eyes sliding once more to the flames that danced within their pit.

“Why did you lie to me?”

Loki swallowed, his wide brow wrinkling slightly with the weight of the emotions that were finally settling on him. “You truly do not understand me,” he whispered, choking on pain. “If you cannot guess, then you would not understand if I told you.” His eyes slipped shut, lids trembling. “I am sorry, brother.”

“Sorry? You’re sorry?” Thor stormed around the fire to stand before his brother, hands once again held in fists. “Sorry will not bring back the people that died because of you. Sorry will not repair the city that suffered for your mad scheme.” He paused, swallowing, but Loki’s eyes remained shut. “Sorry will not rebuild my shattered faith in you.”

Now, at last, some emotion animated  Loki’s pale face. Pain crawled across his fine features, enough that Thor felt the bite of guilt for his words. “I know,” he whispered. “I hope that some day, you will realize exactly what I did and why, but it seems today is not that day. I say again: strike me if you wish, for that is the only satisfaction I can give you right now.”

“The Loki I know and loved,” Thor said brokenly, “would not tremble in his chair like a coward.”

“But you don’t know me,” came the quiet reply. “Go, brother. Go back to your friends, and your feasts, and your glories. Go back into the warmth of your life and shine, and leave me here in your shadow.”

I remember a shadow…living in the shade of your greatness.

I never wanted the throne. I only ever wanted to be your equal.

Anguished, Thor staggered back a step. The firelight reflected off glinting trails running from Loki’s eyes. Guilt rose from all sides of his heart, assaulting him with doubts. Which had been the lie? The cold, angry Loki claiming dominion over the Earth, furious over having been denied the throne of Asgard as anyone would expect a younger brother to be? Or the Loki filled with hot pain, casting aside the birthright they had once scuffled over, quicksilver wit and warm laugh ignited into agony and rejection? Both had lashed out at him, but which one was this new Loki, this miserable broken thing with no spirit to him?

Tears streamed down Thor’s face as he realized that Loki was right: he didn’t know his brother.

The door opened, more quietly than it had when Thor entered. It closed equally gently, leaving Loki alone with his tears.