Loki: Not abandoned

[moonshadows]

“Father.”

Loki waited, knowing Odin would hear him, watching as the king of Asgard made his way to the open room he favored, overlooking the city.

“Loki?” There was no incredulity, no surprise – merely an invitation to continue.

“I have learned much about my-” The words stuck in his throat. “About the nature and customs of Jotuns.”

Odin said nothing, in silent recognition of how hard it was for his younger son to discuss the topic, and acceptance of the accusations Loki kept from his eyes and his tongue.

“You said that when you found me, I was suffering. That I had been left to die.” Loki swallowed, staring hard at his reflection in the enchanted mirror, seeing his father with the invisible eye of Odinsight. “Peace could never have existed between Laufey’s Jotunheim and Asgard, only an uneasy truce.”

That surprised the Allfather. “I know that, but not the reason for it.”

Loki looked up, meeting the single storm-blue eye of the man that wasn’t there. “Because I was not left to die. There is a ritual, or was. A newborn is left alone with the Casket, to imprint on it. That is where the Jotuns get their power. When they are in their first hours of life, they become attuned to whatever power surrounds them.”

Odin paled and looked as though he wished he could sit.

“When you took the Casket, you took their ability to have true children. When you took…me…” Loki swallowed again. “I became attuned to you. Laufey’s heir had fallen to you in battle…”

“I took more than the source of their power,” Odin whispered, horrified. “I took their hope, their future. Small wonder Laufey hated me so.”

“He thought you had killed me, at first. He mourned-” Loki’s voice broke, and Odin half-reached for him. “When we went to Jotunheim, I saw the twisted ruin of his heart. He yearned to destroy everything you held dear, just as you did to him. When I spoke to him the second time, his heart…” Loki closed his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks. “He knew what I was. He was…disappointed that I had been twisted so. He wanted to believe so badly that I shared his hate for you, for Asgard, for my brother. He felt that it would not return me to him, but if I sided with him, it would make me useful enough to not kill. He imagined me as an ally, a king of Asgard who hated his realm and his people enough to betray them.” Pale, slender hands clenched. “I almost did. All the years of being different, of being looked down on ever so slightly…knowing that you had hidden from me the secret of my birth.”

Odin asked softly, “Why didn’t you?”

Slowly, Loki drew in a deep breath and opened his eyes. “Because I looked into your heart, and saw that if I proved a wise and clever king, you would never awaken and count it blood-price for having hidden the truth from me. You didn’t think Thor would prove worthy, and the throne would be my recompense for the things I suffered.”

“You are correct,” the Allfather said softly. “But you proved me wrong. Had I known…” He sighed. “Had I known how much Laufey cared for you, perhaps we could have brought about peace.” A tired, wan smile flickered and it was gone. “I bent the Odinsight to the question of how to end the war. I should have asked how to turn war into peace.”

Odin inclined his head; Loki returned the nod, and released the Odinsight. As each of them returned to what he was doing, he thought, That went a lot better than it could have.