Harley Quinn (sane)

[moonshadows]

“What do you think of this one?”

Bruce stares unhappily at his reflection. “I don’t know…”

I finger the material of the blue suit jacket before motioning him to take it off. “You’re right, not with your skin color. Let me get the maroon one…”

While I’m leafing through the rack, a familiarly exuberant female voice cries out, “Hey! Don’t I know you?”

“I…don’t think so?” You’d never guess from that uncertain tone that the answer was ‘yes’.

“There’s somethin’ about that chin…I got it!”

I tense, slinking around just out of sight, ready to pounce…

“You’re that billionaire, Bruce Wayne!” A pause while I peek out and see a pigtailed blonde examine his hand. “Ooh, no ring! Unattached!”

I step out and clear my throat.

“Uh-uh, the jealous girlfri- HEY! You’re Seline Kyle, the Catwoman!” She looks back and forth between me and Bruce. “I thought you were Batman’s girlfriend, though.”

“He never calls,” I retort dryly, “so I went with Door Number Two.” The diamond surrounded by tiny emeralds sparkles on my hand, and she bends over to ooh and aah appreciatively – and professionally.

“Nice ice! Well, I guess I can’t blame ya. Bats really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet – and thirty stories up – but I guess he’s not really the settling-down type, is he? Anyway, Harley Quinn. Sane. Nice ta meetcha! …when we’re not tryin’ ta kill each other, that is.” With a flourish, she presents her release papers from Arkham. “I just got out!” she proclaims proudly. “Gonna live my life right this time!”

Bruce and I exchange a quick look. “Selina’s my fiancée,” he says calmly. “She’s helping me pick out clothes.”

Harley looks wistful. “Wow, you sure got great taste, Ms. Kyle. I ain’t been out in the real world for years. My outfit’s so out of date it may as well have a poodle on it.”

“Call me Selina,” I say soothingly. “Bruce, would you mind if Ms. Quinn and I abandoned you to the sales clerks for a while?”

“Not at all,” he says, seemingly relieved while the ex-clown in question insists I call her Harley. He passes me a credit card. “Here. It’s on me. Can’t start a new life with old clothes, right?”

Harley squeals and jumps up and down. “Wheee! New clothes!”

How can I hold a grudge against someone this innocently enthusiastic? “Come on, Harley,” I grin. “You and me are going to get you a whole new wardrobe.”

 

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“I really appreciate you helpin’ me out like this,” Harley says quietly as we rifle through skirts. “And not holdin’ a grudge after…you know.”

I put one hand on her shoulder. “Hey, everyone makes mistakes. I know what it’s like trying to go straight after being hauled in by the Batman.”

“That’s the part I never understood. I mean, he hauled you in. Finked on you. And you go back to him?”

“You went back to the Joker,” I point out.

“I guess you’re right, I got no room ta talk. No more, though – that maniac can rot in Arkham. I’m through with him.”

“Good for you! Now, let’s see this one on you…”

 

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“I just don’t know,” she says, digging at her ice cream, boutique bags at her feet. “I mean, being a psychiatrist just doesn’t hold the same appeal for me as it did when I was an intern, and all I really know is crime…how am I going to make a living?”

“You just have to find your niche,” I say, scraping a spoonful of sorbet off the side of the scoop. “Some skill that can be used for the people instead of against them. I run a pretty good non-profit consulting business on the side, helping rich people plug holes in their security systems.”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna rely on that kinda thing, though.” Harley stabs her ice cream some more before taking a big bite.

“Well, what else did you do when you weren’t an accomplice on a heist?”

“Lessee…I drove the car, did the laundry, picked up around the secret base, took care of the hyenas…” she sighs. “I miss my babies.”

“You might want to check with the Gotham Zoo. That’s where they wound up. Maybe they could use your help taking care of the hyenas?”

She looks startled at that. “You mean they might pay me to take care of my babies?” Another dripping spoonful of ice cream meets its fate as she thinks about it. “But what if they want me to have some kinda schooling?”

“You like animals, don’t you? More than just hyenas?”

“Well…yeah…”

“I’d consider you a good investment, then. Helping out a fellow former criminal and the animals at the same time would be well worth the money.”

The ice cream drips off her spoon. “You’d do that? For me?”

I give her a feline smile. “I’d rather have you as a friend than an enemy.”

“Wow, Selina. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Just stay on the right side of the law and we’ll call it even, okay?”

She beams at me. “Okay!”