TBTT 44. He's hooked on the feeling

[moonshadows]

"Is something wrong, my Lord?"

Joshua turns away slightly and closes his eyes, instinctively bracing against the force of his Lord's glare. He needs to hear it, he needs to hear it, he needs to hear it... After a moment, he steels himself and faces the glare head-on.

One manicured hand brushes dismissively at the assorted papers on the desk between them. "Your niece will be joining you for Week's Dusk dinner tomorrow." Half-lidded brown eyes challenge the smaller man to comment.

For a moment, elation fills Joshua, incandescent joy that Tessa was going to be allowed out of her...

...of her...

She can get out any time she wants. Joshua's exultation fades and he remembers how nervous his Lord has been in the past when it comes to treating his tame demon as anything but a trophy. He's always watching. But there are no cameras in the quarters he gave us, are there?

"You're welcome to come along." The quiet words hang in the air, to the startlement of both men. Joshua hadn't know he was going to say that. "..you'll have to put up with my mother, though," he adds wryly.

For a brief moment, the Warlord looks almost panicked, but it is smothered beneath distant superiority with a hint of amusement. "I would not be so presumptuous as to inflict myself upon her without warning." He pauses. "How much warning would you advise giving your mother?"

Joshua blinks. "Two weeks?"

"Very well, then." His lips twitch, amusement being suppressed. "You may assure her that I will neither kill nor eat her."

...did he just make a joke? "Uh. I will do that, my Lord. Thank you."

One hand waves away the obligatory gratitude. "Now, tell me what you've found here."
               ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There it goes again."

"There what goes?" The other guard cranes his head to peer at the security screen. "I don't see anything."

"That's just it. Screen blanked out and watch this-" One finger jabs a key, and 'LOCKED - ENTER ADMINISTRATOR CODE' flashes across the screen before fading out. "His Lordship must have locked it from his office."

"Why would he do that?"

The first guard sniggers. "Maybe his tame demon is putting on a private show."
               ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Behind the door, she glares in the general direction of the two guards. They're soooo lucky I don't want to draw attention to how I knew what they were thinking. With a huff, she turns away and peers into the Twisting Nether, where she can see the brooding purple mass of her Kal'shan coming closer.

He steps into the room as he truly is, and once again she admires his powerful build and smothers a wince at the ragged edges of his wings. She's almost forgotten that she was trying on her completed uniform, but his pleased murmur and gesture for her to turn around bring her back to the present.

“How well can you move in that?”

The fact that he sounds curious rather than doubtful means he is pleased with how it looks. A few twists and mock-strikes demonstrate that the uniform will not hamper her.

“Excellent, my Champion. I doubt you will need to fight in it, but…”

“Better to be prepared?”

“Exactly.”

Any further conversation is interrupted by his hand lashing out and fastening around her upper arm, then pulling her roughly against him. It doesn’t take long for her initial startled reaction to turn into a contented snuggle as he holds her close. A brief check of his mind reveals nothing out of order except the usual breaks, which she fixes easily. For his part, he is simply grateful that she isn’t questioning this. He’s not sure he could explain why he needs her in his arms if she asked. For that matter, he’s not sure he could explain to himself why he needs this. Such thoughts only lead to things he has done his best to forget, and he has no desire to poke at the scabs. Not with how badly he’s been bleeding this week. When he holds her like this, he can forget some of how badly broken he is, and knowing that is enough.

“If you are up for it, I thought we could try the mind link briefly,” he murmurs into her hair.

She nods against his chest. “You were never taught how to use your Nathrezim abilities, so I’ll initiate the link. It’s going to feel funny, and you might have a reflexive rejection to the contact.”

“What does that mean, exactly?” The words come out as a suspicious growl.

“You might try to throw me out of your mind. The first time a mind link is initiated, the participants usually stay more than arms’ length from each other. Reflexive rejections have been known to include physical reactions.”

The thought that he could potentially harm her out of reflex terrifies him – but that fear brings with it the iron determination to not do so. “No.” His arms tighten almost painfully around her. “I refuse to do this if I cannot touch you.” With some effort, he gentles his voice and loosens the deathgrip with which he is holding her. “I will not harm you. Not for this, not ever. So long as I can touch you-“ He stops abruptly and swallows. So long as I can touch you, I will not be lost in the madness. You anchor me. Your touch calms me.

“I understand,” she says softly, blinking back tears at the thoughts practically screaming from his mind. “Are you ready, Kal’shan?”

He takes a deep breath and moves one hand to her hair. “I am.”

Gently, she touches the defenses of his mind rather than slipping through them as she usually does. They bristle, but after a moment, open before her. She continues to touch them as she passes through, making sure that he is aware at all times of her presence. The defenses quiver and breathe around her, conflicting urges to block her out struggling against the inclination to welcome her further inside. Once she is past, she reaches out and touches several structures so that he knows she is inside his mind. It's not a true mind link as she has been taught, but until he is more familiar with his abilities, a true mind link is not possible.

Can you hear me, Kal'shan? she asks tentatively.

Yes, he answers.

The tendrils of his mind twine around hers, feeling her out gently, getting the shape of her presence. She holds still, letting him get used to having her there. It only takes a few minutes before the nervous defenses close around her - not to block her out, but to protect her tendril. It feels like he's hugging her mind as well as her body.

Is this a mind link, then? he asks silently.

Yes, she replies, but an uneven one. Wordlessly, she shares the diagrams shown in her classes and the feeling that he would be more comfortable linking within his own mind rather than out in the open.

…I concur. The tendrils of his mind wrap more firmly around hers as though reluctant to let her go. I have no doubt that we will be able to synchronize our casting this way. Reluctantly, the tendrils start unwinding from around hers. You need to sleep. I will return tomorrow morning for a practice session.

Kal’shan? Is something wrong?

“No, my Champion,” he murmurs aloud, suspecting that she would be able to detect the lie through the link, afraid that she will detect it anyway although he can feel her gently withdraw from his mind.

“Okay,” she says calmly. The lie was quite audible to her, but so was the plea for her to not press the issue.

Nothing seems to be bleeding, so she drapes a veil over the trauma tumor caused by his imprisonment and withdraws. Whatever he intends to wrestle with, it doesn’t seem like it will hurt him too badly, and having her in his  mind seems to have been the final link in the chain that connects the idea of comfort to her. It surprised her to see that association snap fully into place; she planted the seed of it, yes, but there are links there that she did not add – a lot of links. He trusts her. The thought makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside. He trusts her, and if he is in too much pain, she has no doubt that he will come to her for comfort. That’s more than enough for now; with the things she has caught glimpses of, he absolutely cannot be pushed. Things will happen when he is ready for them to happen, or they will not happen at all.

That’s fine; she’ll wait. Forever, if need be.

“Sleep well…Illidan.” She hugs him tighter, ducking her head to hide the blush caused by her boldness.

He tenses the slightest bit before relaxing again, the hand that had been in her hair now gently stroking her cheek. “You too…Tessa.”

The way he says her name makes her shiver in the most delightful way. It is as though he were caressing it with his tongue – either that, or she’s being a silly teenager again. Regardless, he releases her as reluctantly as his mind had released hers, and without another word he steps backwards into the Twisting Nether.