moonshadows

“Alright,” Artie said, clapping his hands for emphasis. “We’ve got a new Regent coming in for orientation today.”

“Not it,” Pete interjected. Myka elbowed him.

“Thank you, Myka. As I was saying, new Regent, orientation. Remember, mum on the Warehouse being sentient, and that goes for you, too,” he said with a mild glare for the golem. “Jane’s bringing him in, so Pete, it wouldn’t have been you anyway.”

“You’ll be down in Hugo’s lab with me,” Claudia said cheerfully. “Ice-cold cream soda, oatmeal scotchies, and feed from the Eyes.”

“Exactly. I’ll be up here looking busy. Steve, Myka, I want you looking studious in the corner and ready to take the Regents on a tour. And the golem…”

“Will stay out of sight,” said the phonograph.

“Right. So…places, everyone!”

The instant Jane’s car crossed into sensing range, I knew something was wrong. The new regent’s energy…there was something…

“Artie, did you leave the kettle on?”

He looked at her like she was crazy. “I don’t even have the kettle out.”

“Well, something’s hissing.”

Ominous silence as they realized it was coming from the phonograph. Jane and the new Regent were in the umbilicus now, and his energy…he wasn’t acting like a new artifact. Was he in tune? The door beeped and opened.

“What’s that hissing?” asked a new voice, a male voice. His voice resonated through the microphone, carrying his energy – and he wasn’t surprised by the office. Or rather, he felt a jolt of the familiar turned strange. He’d seen it before, but not like this.

He’d seen it before.

The golem was brought to the office while the hissing gained a growl. A moment later, Claudia was there, too.

“What’s going on?” she demanded, coldly furious, mini-tesla sparking in one hand.

Artie stood and slowly edged towards the phonograph. Myka and Steve did the same, while Jane looked like she wished she could join them.

“Who are you?” the new Regent asked, but he was afraid. He already knew. He was average-looking, Caucasian male, mid-thirties. If not for his energy, there would be nothing unusual about him.

“Bad artifact,” the golem snarled.

Jane backed away.

“Okay, who the hell are you and why is my Warehouse calling you a bad artifact?”

The intruder licked his lips nervously. “I-I don’t know.”

“Lie!” That was Steve; good artifact!

Claudia didn’t take her eyes off of him. “Why is he a bad artifact?”

“Already knows. Knows you. Knows Warehouse.”

She gestured Steve forward; Myka pulled her gun and stood protectively in front of Jane and Artie. “I’ve never met you before in my life. How do you know me?”

“The Regents keep an extensive file on the Caretaker,” he answered nervously, eyeing the mini-tesla.

“Is that the only way you know me?”

“Y-yes.”

“He’s lying.”

“Who do you work for?”

He cringed. “The Regents!”

“He’s…telling the truth.” Steve sounded puzzled. “But if he’s working for the Regents, why is the Warehouse so angry?”

“Tame artifact.”

Guns that had been lowered slightly came back up.

“Alright, cockmunch,” Claudia snarled. “You want to tell me how the fuck you’ve spent enough time in my Warehouse to become a tame artifact?”

“No?”

“Too bad. Get me the tie clip and the cufflinks.”

Artie dove for his bag, rummaged, and hurried over. Claudia never wavered as he slipped them into place on her clothing.

“Now, let’s try that again. Why does my Warehouse say you’re a tame artifact when I’ve never seen you before?”

Gold glinted in his eyes. “I’m Agent Jeffers. I worked at Warehouse Thirteen for seven years before the Regents approached me. They were concerned about something they found in the journal of a Regent from nearly two hundred years ago and sent me back to investigate.”

“Who was the Regent?”

“They didn’t tell me.”

“What was the issue?”

“They didn’t tell me.”

“And it didn’t occur to you that trying to sneak into my Warehouse wasn’t a good idea?”

“There’s no record of when the Warehouse attained sentience, just sometime in the early twenty-first century.”

“Good to know,” she muttered. “Now, why didn’t the Regents just come to me with their concerns?”

“They said you authorized the temporal transport.”

Claudia laughed briefly. “I probably did. Did they not know I was still Caretaker during the time period they were sending you to?”

“No one knows when you became Caretaker, Miss Donovan. The records are all sealed or redacted.”

“I expect nothing less of myself,” she said loftily. “Now, how were you supposed to get back to your own time?”

“There’s an artifact…a car…”

Steve covered his face with his hand.

“Thank you, Jinksy. You facepalmed for me. Seriously? You came back in time in a DeLorean? Did you have to go eighty-eight miles per hour?”

Jeffers looked embarrassed. “Yes and yes.”

“Why the DeLorean?” she asked in a pained voice.

“They weren’t sure it would work. The first test was supposed to be decades earlier, but the car never left the Warehouse. There was another time-travel artifact, but the Regent who used it…never returned. He was supposed to show up yesterday.”

“There was an unexplained detonation yesterday,” Artie offered hesitantly.

The golem smiled nastily. “Stop intruder artifact.”

“Alright.” Claudia holstered the mini-tesla, then took off the tie clip and waved the cufflinks at Jeffers. “I think that’s about enough of this nonsense. Artie, how do you feel about going for a joyride?”

“I’d be delighted,” he answered with sharp humor.

“Good, good…Jeffers, you’re going to bring the DeLorean here and brief Artie and Steve on how it works. Myka, get your phone out?” Claudia grabbed one of the intruder’s hands and twisted it around his back, looking like she just had his arm around him. The golem, following her intent, did the same with his other arm. Both of them smiled and flipped the bird while Myka, snickering, took the picture. “Great. Let’s get that printed out for the Regents.”

Jeffers sat in the passenger seat of the DeLorean, a photo envelope on his lap and a crinkling tinfoil-covered plate in his hands. Artie, humming, climbed into the driver’s seat.

“I’ll be back in a jiffy,” he cheerfully assured Claudia and Jane.

The door lowered into place and they backed up as he peeled out, racing across the hard, dusty ground away from the Warehouse. Then there were three sonic booms, and the car was gone. Moments later, it reappeared and pulled a bootlegger’s turn, racing back towards them before decelerating and coming to a gentle stop. The door lifted, and Artie climbed out with a mixture of joy and sorrow. He walked up to Claudia and hugged her tightly without saying a word, then did the same to the golem.

“There,” he said finally, blinking back tears. “I promised you both that I’d hug you both. Jeffers has been delivered, the photo has been delivered – your evil laugh got better, Claudia – and the golem grabbed the plate of cookies and vanished before any of the agents could ask what it was. I’m assured they went someplace only you could access them.”

“Good Warehouse,” Claudia said to the golem.

Jane smiled at Artie. “Well, don’t keep us in suspense – what was the future like?”

“Apparently,” he answered loftily, “I’m a legend.”