Sleep with me

[moonshadows]

“No,” he says firmly. “I will not deny you the use of your own room by demanding that you share my bed.”

I know that look, the tangle of emotions writhing in his mind. There will be no reasoning with him; I’ll have to show him that he’s wrong on this. “Okay,” I say, and kiss his cheek lightly. He seems startled to have me bow to his will like this, but smiles with gratitude and relief.

“Sleep well, my Champion,” he says, and strides firmly away.

I don’t, of course. The pained cries of his soul keep waking me up, urging me to go to him and make everything better as he struggles with ten thousand years of abandonment and betrayal. It hurts to ignore his pain, but he has to learn.

He’s grumpy the next morning, enough that the students give him a wide berth and the new ones are reasonably terrified. He’s also clingy, more so than even Rainbird is used to seeing. While the students are at dinner, he drags me into the study and I spend a nostalgic hour just stroking his horns and singing. That calms him down enough that the evening classes go normally. As we retire to our wing for the night, he grabs my wrist firmly.

“Sleep with me,” he says, half demanding and half begging.

I give him the smile he loves, and he pulls me into a hug. “Of course,” I murmur into his shoulder, but his mind still writhes. “What’s wrong?”

“I should not have to do this,” he growls angrily, knowing that I know it’s himself he’s angry at. “I should not have to have you at my side constantly to ward off my fears.”

“Why not?” Lightly, I trace his fel tattoos. “You spent ten thousand years alone and unloved. Why shouldn’t you take advantage of this? I’m yours, Illidan. I’ve always been yours.” He trembles slightly at that. “If you want me in your bed, whether for the simple pleasure of no longer being alone or to keep the nightmares at bay, then why should you deny yourself?”

“You’re right,” he says. “I’ve been looking at this wrong. I have nothing to prove by denying myself what we both want. Therefore…” He releases me, steps back to look into my eyes. “Tessa, my love, come to bed with me. I want the pleasure of having you in my arms as I sleep.”

Again I reward him with my smile. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather spend the night.”

The next morning, he’s smugly pleased. The newer students are horribly confused, but there are many discreet gestures of congratulations and approval from the others. The question of where I will sleep never comes up again.