Julia - Sharp words

[moonshadows]

Saturday morning sees me working out at the crack of dawn, like I have since I was fourteen. It'll be a few hours yet before Duke wakes up, and what he doesn't know I've done, he can't try to pay me for.

Time to check the Cape for rust.

We're looking good this week, and when I get back around to the starboard side, there's Audrey with a mug of probably instant coffee, shaking her head at me in bemusement.

"I still don't understand why you put so much time into taking care of the Cape," she says.

It's a discussion we've had repeatedly over the last few weekends. I've explained about the need for regular maintenance, about paying rent in upkeep, and I'm sure she's trying to do good-natured ribbing, but today it comes off as shallow and selfish. The letter to Jean's foster parents is still in the mail, the carefully-worded plea with its generous cash bribe.

"I don't see you questioning Nathan taking care of his truck," I retort, trying to keep my voice even, not looking at her.

"That's just it," she says. "It's his truck. This is Duke's boat."

Meaning I shouldn't care about it. I should ignore that the boat is my home, that Duke is my friend, and that I'm only not getting paid to do upkeep because I'm not paying rent and don't think that wasn't an argument. That's the spark on my oil-soaked temper.

"That's like saying a father shouldn't want to take care of his baby because he wasn't the one to carry her to term." The words slip out, sharp and pointed. I keep my eyes on the hull even as I maneuver my way to solid footing on the dock.

"Ouch." I can almost hear Audrey wince. "What was that for? Did I piss in your Cheerios this morning or something?"

Yeah. We're doing this. I turn to face her. "Duke told me about Jean." I give her a beat to process that yes, I did just hurl the words at her like an accusation before I add, "Including the dinner date you neglected to mention."

"Wait, you're angry about that?  I wasn't looking for a relationship at all at the time, and I've never been interested in him romantically. He's all yours," she protests with a vague handwave.

That makes me laugh, short and sharp. "You don't know anything about Duke if you think he was looking for romance. He invited you to dinner as a friend, and you blew him off. You stood him up-"

"I was on a stakeout!"

"-and then didn't answer when he called you the next day, and how long in advance did you know you were going to be on a stakeout? You don't just camp somewhere for twelve hours on the spur of the moment," I continue, returning her curveball without even slowing down. "And even if you found out that morning, you had plenty of time to warn him you might not make it. BUT YOU DIDN'T," I shout, fisting my hands to keep from poking her in the chest, "because you never intended to keep that date, you just didn't respect him enough to be honest with him."

For a minute we just stare at each other, me fuming and furious and her startled and dismayed.

"You're right," she says finally. "I treated him very badly. I'll apologize to him later."

Tiny dragon lowering hackles. "When you do," I warn, "don't mention Jean. I'm handling it."

Audrey nods, still looking a bit wild around the eyes and probably terrified of what I'd do if she did bring Jean up to Duke. Possibly realizing that she handled the subject with something less than tact the first time around, too.

"Duke got this old lady when I was a teen," I say in an unsubtle subject change. "She was barely seaworthy enough to be towed. Spent a lot of time helping fix her up," I continue with a fond look at the boat. "Made most of my Get Out Of Haven Fund working on her, actually. Watched her over the winter while Duke was down in the tropics." Actually...I giggle a little. "Spent nine months on her at least before she was all fixed up. I've got all that time emotionally invested in the Cape, and I'm at least half responsible for her becoming what she is, so that almost counts as her being my baby, right?" The comparison flashes through my mind and it's out of my mouth with only a moment's regret. "It's a stronger claim than Beatty has on Jean, anyway."

"Mothers do crazy things for their kids," Audrey says. I'm not sure if it's a counter-argument, agreement, or a segue to another topic. "Mary abducted the Glendower boys, trying to help them. I just don't understand why they didn't just tell her..tell us..."

"You saw how she reacted," I tell her quietly. "Imagine five hundred years of people freaking out when they learn about the Troubles, even if it's something as benign as the Glendower Trouble." Audrey looks like she's going to protest, but then she sips her coffee thoughtfully, no doubt remembering other Troubles. Like Beatty's. They may spend the Troubles in the sea, but at least they're not killing people accidentally. "That's why we don't talk to Outsiders about the Troubles. Even when they're not FBI agents or cops."

"But Nathan's not..." she trails off.

I nod. "But he was with you. When in doubt, deny."

"Tracy said...not in her family...but she knew about her husband's seizures." Audrey takes another frowning sip of coffee. "And the Chief knew Lucy, but he didn't say anything to me."

"How would you even start that conversation?" I ask archly. "Oh, Agent Parker, last time I saw you, you were Lucy Ripley? Don't forget you holed yourself up in the Cupcake Room when you found out."

She wrinkles her nose. "Yeah, I wouldn't have taken that well. I'm still amazed you came back to town. After you got out, I mean."

The Carver Maze hangs before my eyes, the memory of seeing it on my skin for the first time. "I had no choice," I tell her quietly. "That was the price of my getting out."

"Eleanor didn't want you to go?" she asks hesitantly.

So not getting into that. "Eleanor's the reason I didn't come back at all until I had to."

Audrey gives me a funny look. "You call your mom Eleanor? Nathan called his dad the Chief...but they weren't..."

I swallow a hot lump of resentment, remembering the time I threatened him with pinking shears...the short, angry phone call when he found out about Max Hansen...drinking with him in the cemetery because no one else would understand the unique betrayal we shared.

"That's one thing we have in common," I say shortly.

"Julia, I'm so sorry. When did you...?"

"When did I find out?" Bitter laughter. "It was never a secret to me. I just wasn't allowed to tell anyone."

"I don't understand." Audrey looks impersonally concerned, confused, and maybe a little jealous. "At least you knew..."

"Oh yeah, I knew...I just didn't get to know who my bio-family was until I came back to town and they were already dead. Mom knew," I continue bitterly, "she just wouldn't tell me. Vince and Dave finally did."

"Oh." Audrey seems taken aback. "Who...?"

Well, the name isn't going to mean anything important to her. "Carver."

She frowns. "Like the puzzle? But Vince said there hadn't been a Carver in Haven in fifty years."

"What's my name?" I ask dryly.

"Julia Carr. Oh. So why all the-" handgestures.

Not getting into that, either. "Still working on it," I say brightly. "But right now, I need to work on breakfast because if Boss wakes up and beats me to it, he'll never met me live it down."

That makes her laugh. "Okay. I'll see you later."

I wave; she salutes me with her mug. She heads back to the Gull; I climb back on board and pull my hair out of its ponytail, shaking it out and enjoying the cool breeze playing with it. Maybe I won't make breakfast just yet, I think with a grin as I put the coffee on. Maybe I'll get a little more sweaty before I take my shower.

I drop my workout clothes into the hamper before sauntering off to see if Duke's...ready to get up.