Timeskip: Warden out of uniform

[moonshadows]

“You’re drunk, Illidan.”

Furion’s voice wavered in through the haze of shitty lowborn booze, and I looked up from contemplating my half-erect penis. “Yup.”

Lips pressed into an unhappy line, arms crossed, he scowled at me. “Why are you drunk?”

“Probably because I’ve been drinking.” Aw, it was getting softer. Probably as well, I was going to have to piss soon.

“Why have you been drinking?”

Ooh, drinking. Good idea. I took another swig from the bottle in my left hand and belched. “Because it’s not a party without booze, Furion. Honestly, I thought that was obvious. What kind of parties do you go to?”

“I don’t,” he snapped.

“That’s half your problem,” I said, taking another pull. “The other half is you don’t get it wet enough.”

“Excuse me?”

“Get it wet. Dip your wick. Oil your sword.” Oh, it was getting harder! I stroked it hopefully a few times. “Slide your sausage into her oven. Do the dance of the beast with two backs.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Illidan.”

Wasn’t that the truth! It started as one giggle, but the giggles spread into full-fledged laughter that roiled into nausea. “Oog, don’t make me laugh when I’m this drunk,” I gasped. Aw, limp again. “See what you did?”

Malfurion looked with searing disapproval at my sad, flaccid penis huddling between the open folds of the dirty robe I was wearing. “I see. I fail to understand the import.”

“Hey, it’s not easy getting it up when I’m this drunk. At least, not without help.” It occurred to me that the warden who should have been on duty wasn’t there. “Did you send Silina away?”

“She was out of uniform.”

“Damn right she was.” Mmm, just remembering her pert breasts was getting me hard again. I glanced down. Well, getting me semi-firm. I gave it a few strokes. When did my bottle get empty?

“You disgust me,” Furion spat, and hey, he was inside the cage with me. When did that happen? He took the front of my robe in both hands and hauled me to my feet, leaving my stomach behind to bounce up into my throat as he began shaking me.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, swallowing heavily.

“Why not?” he roared, shaking me harder.

The shitty lowborn booze came back up in a fountain, missing Furion’s face but soaking his tunic and legs. I tried to aim for his crotch. He dropped me and backed away, but not before I got his boots. Well, this wasn’t the way I’d hoped to end the night, although it would likely make me less hung over in the morning.

“That’s why,” I gasped as the retching slowed to a stop. Great, now my head was pounding. Well, it would fade soon, and maybe I could get it up again then.

Furion was talking, but the stone floor was so nice and cool, and my head had stopped pounding already. Shakily, I lifted one hand and spun an illusion of a naked girl dancing. Ooh, that was the stuff. Yeah, shake it. Shake it like…like…like a really hot girl dancing. Yeah. Maybe I wasn’t hard, but I was hard enough to do a little shaking of my own.

“Illidan, are you listening to me?”

Almost…almost… The illusion girl stopped dancing and knelt down, head bent like she was sucking my cock. Oooh, yeah. Closer…closer… “No.”

“Illidan!”

I imagined the illusion girl was screaming my name in passion, and managed to jerk to the right just enough that my semen arced over the puddle of vomit and hit Furion on the cheek. It didn’t stay there long; half of it dripped down into his beard. Suddenly, all that pissing I was going to have to do remembered that it existed.

….eh, I was already aimed that way anyway.

Malfurion jumped and hollered as the stream of urine splashed all over his chest, backing quickly out of range and leaving me trying to figure out angles and arcs while drunk. Before I managed it, I’d run out of ammo. Oh well. He was going to have a fun time explaining himself to Tyrande.

Giggling softly at that mental image, I let the sweet darkness of inebriated unconsciousness take me.


 

The world was a harsh and unpleasant place when I woke up. Well, most of it. My head was lying on something that absolutely was not a stone floor.

“I’m sorry,” Silina said in a carefully low voice. “Malfurion caught me by surprise. I had to wait until he was gone.”

Malfurion…the memories of last night were vague but pleasant. “I threw up. On him.”

“You did. You also pissed on him.” She sounded very amused by that. “I cleaned it all up, don’t worry.”

“You’re too good to me,” I muttered, flailing vaguely in the direction of her face with one hand. She caught it and kissed the palm, then sucked lightly on one fingertip. “Head hurts too much for that,” I warned her, closing my eyes against the pounding.

A bottle presented itself against my lips. “Drink this.”

Eh, why not? The liquid was warm and minty, and the pounding faded after a minute.

“Better?”

“Much.” Slowly, I eased to a sitting position and looked around my cage. No evidence of anything aside from my robe, which was still ripe enough to fell a tree.

“I can get a basin and a cloth for you to wash with,” Silina offered. “If you let me watch.”

That got a grin out of me. “Just watch?”

“Well…” She leaned in for a kiss. “Maybe not just watch.”

I was going to get laid for throwing up on Malfurion. For the first time in two hundred years of imprisonment, I was going to get some action. Some real action, because as pleasant as it was, a mouth just wasn't the same. As casually as possible, I shucked off my stinking robe and stretched. Years of nothing to do but magic and exercise had given me an impressive physique, and Silina murmured appreciatively as I twisted and flexed.

“Is the basin going to have hot water, or cold? Because if it’s cold, I’d prefer you fetch it now and let it…warm up.”

“I’ll go fetch it,” she said, cheeks coloring slightly.

By the time she returned, I was nearly as hard as I’d ever been with all three spells – taste, endurance, and sterility – in place. As she stripped out of her armor and I watched her nipples peak in the chill of this underground prison, I wondered how long it had been since she’d had male companionship, and if lowborn mothers didn’t teach their daughters how two fingers could relieve their frustration.

Oh well, my gain.

Breasts, soft and resilient against my fingers, salt-sweet against my tongue as I tickled those hard nipples, and her soft sounds made my balls ache. Her tongue, surrendering before me as I violated her mouth with mine, the hangover cure covering up vomit and other lingering foulness. It took all my control to go gently with her; this was not a wickedly experienced Highborne woman, this was a naïve child in a woman’s body, and I was her first. I eased myself in slowly, lubricating the way with my own semen as I came and reloaded, came again before I’d gone all the way, came a third time as I sank balls-deep into that warm, wet paradise.

No wonder Furion flopped around like a dying fish; with how rarely Tyrande put out, he had to be desperate for release any time he had the opportunity.

Silina moaned and writhed beneath me as I played all the right notes on every instrument available, but I was only half paying attention to my performance. She was so inexperienced that she’d be eating out of my hand after this; I didn’t have to give it my best, I just had to not be horrible. That meant I could focus on my own pleasure quite a bit, because she wouldn’t know the difference, and focus I did. She came three times before I stopped, my own tally hovering around nine or ten.

“You were amazing,” she panted, smiling up at me with flushed cheeks.

I dropped a light kiss on her lips. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

When she stood up, a slow but significant stream of milky fluid flowed down the inside of her thigh, making her blush and then blush harder as she caught me admiring my handiwork. I knew she was convincing herself that I mirrored her feelings, that my half-erect state was a reflection of her beauty, that so enamored was I of her that I couldn’t keep my eyes averted as we washed. In reality, I found her insipid and boring, her best features found between neck and knee, and her mouth best put to use milking me dry – but she was the first naked female I’d been able to see in two centuries, and I was busy memorizing her breasts and ass for future use. I did spare a moment to be smug that after fifty years, I’d found enough wiggle room in the anti-enchantment enchantment to be able to pull off small spells. Without the sterility matrix, she no doubt would have been swollen with my child in a few months.

After she had left with the basin and my filthy robe, I imagined Malfurion yelling at me for getting one of his precious Shadow Wardens knocked up, and laughed. Hmm, maybe if…would she plead for my release if I did father a child on her? Would she sneak me out if I made her scream my name enough? That was more likely, and didn’t shackle me to a squalling baby. Very well, if I had to buy my freedom with sex, that was a price I was more than willing to pay.