Brucie!

[moonshadows]

“Brucie! I hear you’re getting hitched!”

We both jerk upright, spines rigid as steel bars, as the Joker’s voice cuts across the chatter like a band saw. Bruce and I share a momentary glance of mutual horror as Joker and his thugs start spreading out from the door, herding the guests back along the walls.

“Uh…that’s right,” Bruce says, sounding nervous in the face of a madman.

“Congratulations! Although…” Joker trails off, looking very mock-concerned. “I’d be careful if I were you. Your Miss Kitty is carrying a torch for old Batsie.”

Despite being briskly relieved of their valuables, the assorted upper crust of Gotham City are all ears. Bruce turns to me, looking so hurt and vulnerable that if I didn’t see the way he was twitching to keep his smile hidden, I’d think I’d just broken his heart.

“Selina, is that true?”

“Can you blame me? Tall, dark, and well-built…he really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet…” And thirty stories straight up, but I don’t have to say that. “He saved my life, and my cat, but he never calls.” A few of the ladies titter. “I’m all yours, Bruce.” I cling to his arm for effect, head laid on his shoulder in a display of surrender.

“Awww, how sweet. It’s making my teeth itch.” Joker scowls at us. “You know, someone once tried to convince me that you were Batman.” One thin finger prods Bruce’s chest. “I didn’t buy it, of course. You’re too much of a doofus to be the Bat.”

Bruce grins sheepishly. “Uh…thanks. I think.”

The goons are done collecting their goods. They move towards us, but Joker waves them off.

“No, no…leave them be. It’s my wedding gift to them!” A wave of grating laughter follows that little pronouncement. “It’s been fun, Brucie, but I’m afraid I’ve gotta dash. Say hello to your Bat friend for me, Miss Kitty, and tell him I’m sorry he missed the party!”

Still laughing like the madman he is, Joker strolls back out the door, goons following, and closes it smartly behind him. Silence reigns for a full thirty seconds as everyone stares at the door, but the Joker doesn’t burst back in with a bomb or anything. Distantly, however, we hear gunfire and police sirens. Three minutes pass with everyone frozen in place as the unseen forces battle it out, then silence again. A single pair of footsteps walks up to the door. There’s a collective gasp as the handle turns, and then Gordon walks in with a sack of valuables in each hand.

“Batman tipped us off that the Joker was headed this way,” he says as he walks up to a seemingly startled Bruce Wayne and hands him the sacks. “We followed him here and he was good enough to help us collar the Joker and his henchmen. Here – I trust you can see these returned to their rightful owners.” He turns to go, then pauses and looks back. “By the way, congratulations to both of you.”

“Thanks, Commissioner!” Bruce Wayne’s slightly-dopey grin follows Gordon out.

 

****************************

 

“So, how’d I do?” Dick asks, kicking back in his upholstered leather chair, hands behind his head.

“Well, you fooled Gordon, so I’d say you did pretty well,” Bruce grins at him. “I almost wish I could thank the Joker.”

Dick sits up, puzzled. “What for?”

“For his lovely wedding gift,” I purr.

“Wedding gift?”

Bruce and I share a glance, grinning widely. “An airtight alibi. It’s hard for me to be Batman when the Police Commissioner says Batman was outside helping him, and even harder when the Joker announces I couldn’t be him.”